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Some experts beleive that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

Some experts beleive that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
In these days, social networking sites are used by many people to make new friends, which is a controversial issue according to some. While some people consider that making friends online is a good idea, others say that people should build a new friendship through face-to-face interaction. I consider that in this contemporary era, doing friendship through the internet is a good thing for all people. On the one hand, it is believed by some people that social networking sites as Facebook, Viber, Twitter, and Imo facilitate people to build a new relationship, which has many good sides and I agree. The main reason behind that thinking is that friendship is now not limited to the country’s boundary. That means, through the blessing of the internet a person can contact many people around the world. Therefore, people can know other countries ' customs and traditions, which will help them to expand their knowledge. Efficient communication another for choosing internet chat groups to make new friends. In other words, people can send a message and know the update of friends within a second. Thus, social networking sites play a vital role to maintain a relationship by staying in a comfort zone. On the other hand, some people believe that physical interaction is necessary to start a new friendship. They think like that because of the increasing internet crime day by day. Nowadays, an anonymous person makes a friendship to collect information about some gentle persons and later harass them by doing blackmail. Moreover, offenders claim ransom otherwise they will disclose some news, which was collected from the chat groups. As a result, people face insecurity, which will lead them to mental illness. For example, a girl committed suicide in the UK because of sexual harassment on Facebook. That is why knowing people physically helps to avoid future abuse from unknown persons. In conclusion, although people have different perspectives regarding the way of making friends, I think that social networking sites are a good way of doing this.
In these days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
, which is a controversial issue according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider that making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
online is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, others say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should build a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendship
through face-to-face interaction. I consider that in this contemporary era, doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendship
through the internet is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
thing for all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the one hand, it
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
as Facebook,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Viber
, Twitter, and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Imo
facilitate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to build a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
relationship, which has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
sides and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
. The main reason behind that thinking is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendship
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
not limited to the country’s boundary. That means, through the blessing of the internet a person can contact
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can know
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
'
customs and traditions, which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to expand their knowledge. Efficient communication another for choosing internet chat groups to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
a message and know the update of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
within a second.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
play a vital role to maintain a relationship by staying in a comfort zone.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that physical interaction is necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendship
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
like that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the increasing internet crime day by day. Nowadays, an anonymous person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendship
to collect information about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
gentle persons and later harass them by doing blackmail.
Moreover
, offenders claim ransom
otherwise
they will disclose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
, which
was collected
from the chat groups.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
face insecurity, which will lead them to mental illness.
For example
, a girl committed suicide in the UK
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of sexual harassment on Facebook. That
The verb 'knowing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
is why knowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
physically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to avoid future abuse from unknown persons.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perspectives regarding the way of making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
are a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
way of doing this.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some experts beleive that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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