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30) It has recently been announced that a new high school may be built in your community. Do you support or oppose this plan? Why? Use specific reasons and details in your answer. v.1

30) It has recently been announced that a new high school may be built in your community. Do you support or oppose this plan? Why? Use specific reasons and details in your answer. v. 1
Urban country's lifestyle leads young generation towards obesity as; wealth allows inhabitants to buy whatever they desire. The purchasing power has enormous consequences on children's energy life. With the easy I would discuss causes and effects. Modern life is grabbed by unlimited desires, though, everyone wishes to reach, and for this person is busy in earning money. At present era people do not have much time to spend in the kitchen and, prepare healthy and hygienic feed for their loved-ones. Hence, they preferred to choose ready-made foodstuff items. Simultaneously, children are more attracted to fast cuisine such as pizza, burger and sandwiches which are unhealthy for long-term use. Thus people do not have time but, may have enough money to spend on an expensive unhealthy diet. Unhealthy habits provoke obesity consequently children may have less immune power, weak cognitive skills and poor adaptability. For instance, in growing age child needs a complete diet plan for healthy growth. Whereas, inorganic foodstuff does not fulfil their body and mental energy need as a result strength issue may occur I. e. Many inorganic food companies' products are available in the market, which only fulfil feed desire but not energy need. So weaknesses do not allow our generation to expel and in long-run would not have a healthy society. Aforementioned discussion needs attention to overcome this problem. In this regard parents need to play their significant role so that we could completely beat this issue from the root cause and may give healthy habits to our adolescence. If young blood is healthy, tension would have a strong nation ahead.
Urban country's lifestyle leads young generation towards obesity as; wealth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
inhabitants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
whatever they desire. The purchasing power has enormous consequences on children's energy life. With the easy I would discuss causes and effects.

Modern life
is grabbed
by unlimited desires, though, everyone wishes to reach, and for this person is busy in earning money. At present era
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not have much time to spend in the kitchen and, prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
and hygienic feed for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
-ones.
Hence
, they preferred to choose ready-made foodstuff items.
Simultaneously
, children are more attracted to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
cuisine such as pizza, burger and sandwiches which are unhealthy for long-term
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
Thus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not have time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to spend on an expensive unhealthy diet.

Unhealthy habits provoke obesity
consequently
children may have less immune power, weak cognitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and poor adaptability.
For instance
, in growing age child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
a complete diet plan for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
growth. Whereas, inorganic foodstuff does not fulfil their body and mental energy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
as a result
strength issue may occur
There should be no space here: "i.e.".
I. e.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
inorganic food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
' products are available in the market, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
fulfil feed desire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not energy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
weaknesses do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
our generation to expel and in long-run would not have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
society.

Aforementioned discussion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
attention to overcome this problem. In this regard parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to play their significant role
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we could completely beat this issue from the root cause and may give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
habits to our adolescence. If young blood is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
, tension would have a strong nation ahead.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay 30) It has recently been announced that a new high school may be built in your community. Do you support or oppose this plan? Why? Use specific reasons and details in your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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