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3 Some people think that shops should not be allowed to sell food or drink that has been scientifically proved to be bad for people s health Do you agree or disagree v.1

3 Some people think that shops should not be allowed to sell food or drink that has been scientifically proved to be bad for people s health v. 1
Nowadays, there are some people in our society who likes to perform for the same company until the age of their retirement, while some individual has contrasting views as they think that it could be splendid if they are working in a different organisations. There are numerous reasons for why some people work for the same company. Firstly, the one thing which is more important in any industry is job satisfaction. As long as they are getting this, they cannot think about any other firm. Secondly, salary is the next vital factor for doing an undertaking in the same industry as we know in today's world everyone tries to get decent and well paid employment. In my country, the majority of individuals have been working in a government sector for more than five years because they are getting high wages per month and also experience job security. Last but not the least is interested in that particular organisation which bound a person in a specific company. On the other hand, there are some other people who kept changing their task throughout their working life as they strongly believe that doing work in a different environment can enhance your real skill, talent, and technique. It is quite natural that if we do repetitive things for the years, which can make us feel like monotonous and we are getting bored. Some studies have shown that if a person doing endeavour in a variety of firms, then he or she could discover himself or herself in the best possible way. To sum up, I think we should not stick to the one organisation in our entire life, but we should to perform in a different surrounding, which can make us more efficient and flexible.
Nowadays, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in our society who likes to perform for the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
until the age of their retirement, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individual has contrasting views as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it could be splendid if they are working in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "organisation"?
organisations
.

There are numerous reasons for why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
work for the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
Firstly
, the one thing which is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in any industry is job satisfaction. As long as they are getting this, they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about any other firm.
Secondly
, salary is the
next
vital factor for doing an undertaking in the same industry as we know in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world everyone tries to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
decent and well paid employment. In my country, the majority of individuals have been working in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
sector for more than five years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are getting high wages per month and
also
experience job security. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least
is interested
in that particular
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
which bound a person in a specific
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
changing their task throughout their working life as they
strongly
believe that doing work in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
environment can enhance your real
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
, talent, and technique. It is quite natural that if we do repetitive things for the years, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us feel like
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
monotonous and
we are getting bored.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
studies have shown that if a person doing
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavour' is British English.
endeavour
in a variety of firms, then he or she could discover himself or herself in the best possible way.

To sum up, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
we should not stick to the one
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
in our entire life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we should to perform in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
surrounding, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us more efficient and flexible.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay 3 Some people think that shops should not be allowed to sell food or drink that has been scientifically proved to be bad for people s health v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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