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A company has announced that wishes to build a large factory near your community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages if this new influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the factory? Explain your position. v.1

A company has announced that wishes to build a large factory near your community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages if this new influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the factory? Explain your position. v. 1
In almost all countries, old and ancient traditional languages have been unremembered or wiped out due to people migration or colonialism. This should be argued, which I will consider in here. On the one hand, critics claim that this will happen every time, whenever the world gets transformed by means of technology or the ageing population of older people who are outnumbered and are well aware of their mother tongue. For instance, if we look countries like Africa or other Asian countries their languages has been inevitably outspoken due to colonialism. Although in some parts of their areas like villages, district's traditional language has been spoken. Although it still appears the case, these native tongue has been rarely spoken. The other side of the debate says that, planning needs to be done to prevent their ancient accent from dying. In several countries the locals have been teaching their mother tongue to other nationalities because to prevent their language from dying or being abandoned. If this will be the case, then it will be prevented. A final point is that traditional languages should be taught in schools at an early age when a child gets admission in the school because of the child gets used to speaking their mother tongue then he can teach to other generations when he grows up. For example, if we look at countries like china, japan their children have been taught at an early age because of that everything which has been generated in their countries will be written or spoken in local language. In summary, it appears that initiatives should be taken by government authorities. Policies should be made & a longer- term, thoughtful programme is surely needed to teach their younger generations.
In almost all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and ancient traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
have
been unremembered
or wiped out due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
migration or colonialism. This should
be argued
, which I will consider in here.

On the one hand, critics claim that this will happen every time, whenever the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
transformed by means of technology or the
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
population of older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
are outnumbered
and are well aware of their mother
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tongue
.
For instance
, if we look
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like Africa or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
Asian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
has been
inevitably
outspoken due to colonialism. Although in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts of their areas like villages, district's traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
has
been spoken
. Although it
still
appears the case, these native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tongue
The adverb 'rarely' is usually put between 'has' and 'been'.
has been rarely
spoken.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side of the debate says that, planning needs to
be done
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
their ancient accent from dying. In several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
the locals have been teaching their mother
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tongue
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
nationalities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
from dying or
being abandoned
. If this will be the case, then it will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
. A final point is that traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
should
be taught
in schools at an early age when a child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
admission in the school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to speaking their mother
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tongue
then he can teach to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
generations when he grows up.
For example
, if we look at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like
Capitalize this word if you mean the country, not white porcelain.
china
, japan their children have
been taught
at an early age
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that everything which has
been generated
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will
be written
or spoken in local language.

In summary, it appears that initiatives should
be taken
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
authorities. Policies should
be made
& a longer- term, thoughtful
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
is
surely
needed to teach their younger generations.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay A company has announced that wishes to build a large factory near your community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages if this new influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the factory? Explain your position. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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