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School policies should be based as much on what employers want as well as what students and teachers want. v.1

School policies should be based as much on what employers want as well as what students and teachers want. v. 1
For living a happy life, it is necessary to strike a balance between time and money. According to some, it is worthy to have more money and less free time while others disagree as they believe it is important to spend more free time and earn less money. In my opinion, I believe it is very much important to possess enough money and spend some valuable time at the same time. On one hand, many people argue that having more money will help anyone to fight against their bad times. To put it simply, if a person has got financial resources he can combat any difficult situations in his life. Therefore, it is vital to be financially secured to face any uncertain situations. Additionally, with good money they can enjoy their life with affording better lifestyle and luxurious living. On the other hand, it is a widespread belief that money cannot bring happiness. Some people agree with this and argue that spending more free time will develop deeper relationships with their loved ones and family. For instance, these days both parents are seen working and prioritising work, that they forget to keep their children happy and this may cause them to isolation and depression or indulging into bad habits such as drugs. Moreover, people can provide much time to their passion and emotions in general which is often neglected by workaholic people chasing only behind money. Finally, in my view, I believe that it is important to be financially secured to avoid any financial strain in life in this way even less time will also be treasured. For example, working for a whole week and holidaying on weekends. In conclusion, I believe that people should strike a balance between time and money. Thus, being financially stable with earning enough money and spending quality time with their relations because nothing of too much is good.
For living a happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, it is necessary to strike a balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, it is worthy to have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and less free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
while others disagree as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to spend more free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and earn less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. In my opinion, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to possess
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at the same time.

On one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that having more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
anyone to fight against their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
. To put it
simply
, if a person has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
financial resources he can combat any difficult situations in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Therefore
, it is vital to be
financially
secured to face any uncertain situations.
Additionally
, with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
they can enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with affording better lifestyle and luxurious living.

On the other hand
, it is a widespread belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
cannot bring happiness.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this and argue that spending more free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
will develop deeper relationships with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones and family.
For instance
, these days both parents are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
working and
Possible spelling mistake. 'prioritising' is British English.
prioritising
work, that they forget to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their children happy and this may cause them to isolation and depression or indulging into
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits such as drugs.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can provide much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to their passion and emotions
in general
which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
neglected by workaholic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
chasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
behind money.

Finally
, in my view, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to be
financially
secured to avoid any financial strain in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in this way even less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
will
also
be treasured
.
For example
, working for a whole week and holidaying on weekends.

In conclusion
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should strike a balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Thus
, being
financially
stable with earning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and spending quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their relations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
nothing of too much is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay School policies should be based as much on what employers want as well as what students and teachers want. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
314 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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