Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

While working at Hoang Lien National Park in Lao Cai Province in Vietnam, I noticed that the Red Dao people in the area have collected a lot of natural medicinal plants for processing bath medicines and serving tourism. In 2015, I think that if this contin v.1

While working at Hoang Lien National Park in Lao Cai Province in Vietnam, I noticed that the Red Dao people in the area have collected a lot of natural medicinal plants for processing bath medicines and serving tourism. In 2015, I think that if this contin v. 1
It is true that our sleeping patterns have changed significantly over the last fifty years. People now get considerably less sleep than their ancestors. In my opinion, this is because of the increasing stress and the effects of the digital age. (41) We had seen in the past that people always sleep early at night and wake up early in the morning. They had adequate sleeping hours. Therefore, they look active and energetic all the day and performed their duties efficiently. (39) Presently, the sleeping patterns are greatly changed, especially in big cities of many countries. Nowadays, people are in a constant race to fulfil their basic needs or to achieve their goals and as a result they get less time for sleep. Sleeping less is actually considered as a virtue these days. All the high profile personalities take pride in cutting down their rest hours and consider it a key to success. Similarly, most people currently prefer to spend their leisure time in chatting with their friends using social media rather than going to sleep. (94) Unfortunately, this trend is a serious problem that has a negative impact on the well-being of communities. For instance, less sleeping hours can cause tiredness, depression, lack of concentration and many health problems including obesity and high blood pressure. All of these issues will eventually result in a weak society. Thus, if the attitude of people keeps on increasing towards less sleep, then they will surely suffer physical and mental retardation in their future life. (75) Hence, the governments around the world have to launch education campaigns to inform the public about the importance of getting adequate sleep. (22)
It is true that our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleeping
patterns have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
significantly
over the last fifty years.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
considerably
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
than their ancestors. In my opinion, this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the increasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and the effects of the digital age. (41)

We had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the past that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
early at night and wake up early in the morning. They had adequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleeping
hours.
Therefore
, they look active and energetic all the day and performed their duties
efficiently
. (39)

Presently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleeping
patterns are
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
,
especially
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are in a constant race to fulfil their basic needs or to achieve their goals and
as a result
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sleeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
is actually considered as a virtue these days. All the high profile personalities take pride in cutting down their rest hours and consider it a key to success.
Similarly
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
currently
prefer to spend their leisure time in chatting with their friends using social media
rather
than going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
. (94)

Unfortunately, this trend is a serious problem that has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the well-being of communities.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleeping
hours can cause tiredness, depression, lack of concentration and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health problems including obesity and high blood pressure. All of these issues will
eventually
result in a weak society.
Thus
, if the attitude of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
on increasing towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
, then they will
surely
suffer physical and mental retardation in their future life. (75)

Hence
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
around the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
launch education campaigns to inform the public about the importance of getting adequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
. (22)
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay While working at Hoang Lien National Park in Lao Cai Province in Vietnam, I noticed that the Red Dao people in the area have collected a lot of natural medicinal plants for processing bath medicines and serving tourism. In 2015, I think that if this contin v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts