Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

2. There are an increasing number of people who do not know their neighbours. What causes this situation? How to solve it? v.1

2. There are an increasing number of people who do not know their neighbours. What causes this situation? How to solve it? v. 1
In this 21st century, people are lured by the ease of life that technologies open before them. Most of the people are not even aware of people living the next door. The myriad of reasons that foster the above-said situation along with the solutions to alienate the same are discussed herewith. First and foremost, the people of this era are more workaholic. Being a part of the consumerist society of today, they are intrigued by materialist things. To meet their greedy requirement, they work long hours. This, in turn, reduces their available time to spend with their neighbours, making them unaware about who lives next to him. For instance, in Kerala, one year back news has been reported where an old man’s dead body was found, in a house 2 weeks after his death. People nearby came to know about this, only when it started to stink. Apart from this, the emergence of various technologies also has a varied role in isolating people in the four walls. For example, iPhones and Android phones provide a platform for children to play online games. This reduces the interest in children for playing outdoor games, which was one platform through which the children of yesteryears got to know about each other. The solutions for this problem are not simple and steps should be taken in a war-footing primarily, the government should ensure that employees may it be private or public sector employees are working not more 9 hours each day. Strict rules and regulations should be laid to ensure the same. Awareness talks and sessions should be hosted to make people aware of the importance of forming and maintaining a relationship with neighbours. Parents should take the onus, to keep a check on the time, children spend on mobile phones. In a nutshell, I would like to reiterate that the workaholic behaviour exhibited by people and the rapid emergence of technologies has resulted in the increasing number of people who do not know their neighbours. Laying proper rules and regulation from the part of government, along with various awareness classes can reduce these to an extent. The role of parents to refrain to children from overusing mobile phones also add to the above.
In this 21st century,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are lured
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
of life that technologies open
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
them. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not even aware of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living the
next
door. The myriad of reasons that foster the above-said situation along with the solutions to alienate the same
are discussed
herewith.

First
and foremost, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of this era are more workaholic. Being a part of the consumerist society of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, they
are intrigued
by materialist things. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their greedy requirement, they work long hours. This, in turn,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
their available time to spend with their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
, making them unaware about who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
next
to him.
For instance
, in Kerala, one year back news has
been reported
where an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
’s dead body
was found
, in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
2 weeks after his death.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
nearby came to know about this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to stink.

Apart from this, the emergence of various technologies
also
has a varied role in isolating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the four walls.
For example
, iPhones and Android phones provide a platform for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to play online games. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for playing outdoor games, which was one platform through which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
yesteryears
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
to know about each other.

The solutions for this problem are not simple and steps should
be taken
in a war-footing
primarily
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should ensure that employees may it be private or public sector employees are working not more 9 hours each day. Strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations should
be laid
to ensure the same. Awareness talks and sessions should
be hosted
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aware of the importance of forming and maintaining a relationship with
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
. Parents should take the onus, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
on the time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend on mobile phones.

In a nutshell, I would like to reiterate that the workaholic
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
exhibited by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the rapid emergence of technologies has resulted in the increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do not know their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
. Laying proper
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulation from the part of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, along with various awareness classes can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
these to an extent. The role of parents to refrain to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from overusing mobile phones
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
to the above.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay 2. There are an increasing number of people who do not know their neighbours. What causes this situation? How to solve it? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
370 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts