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2. Some people think that foreign visitors should be charged more than locals when they visit cultural and tourist attractions in a country. To what extent do you agree with this view? v.1

2. Some people think that foreign visitors should be charged more than locals when they visit cultural and tourist attractions in a country. v. 1
With the development of transportation it is a trend that people enjoy traveling aboard for their vacations. Therefore, some local residents suggest that it is necessary to charge higher entrance fees for international visitors to local attraction facilities, such as museums, theme parks. I personally disagree with this idea. To begin with, different prices for international tourists to entrance local attraction facilities will bring negative feeling for them. For example, the various prices listed on the entrance doors will make them feel like that they are discriminated. This negative feeling will lead to negative experience psychologically. Therefore, they might not choose to visit again or do not recommend the place to their friends or family in the future. Moreover, the higher prices will lead tourists to think that they might not be welcomed by local residents. In addition, it is unfair for international tourists to pay higher fee to entrance attractions. International tourists already contribute in many local sectors economically, such as spending money in eating in restaurants, staying in hotel, purchasing many souvenirs, hiring transport vehicles, and so on.  Moreover, many international tourists will have their budgets before they arrange their travel plans. Extra fee might be out of their affordability. If tourists learn about that there are extra fees for attractions before the trips, they might choose other destinations with free admission to attractions. As a result, the tourism industry will be affected as well. In conclusion, higher entrance fees to local attractions for international tourists will cause negative experiences and will lose the competition among tourism industry worldwide. Therefore, I personally support that international visitors should pay the same fees like local residents for local attractions.
With the development of transportation it is a trend that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
enjoy traveling aboard for their vacations.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
residents suggest that it is necessary to charge higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
for international visitors to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attraction
facilities, such as museums, theme parks. I
personally
disagree with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
prices for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
tourists to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attraction
facilities will bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
feeling for them.
For example
, the various prices listed on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrance
doors will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel like that they
are discriminated
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
feeling will lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
experience
psychologically
.
Therefore
, they might not choose to visit again or do not recommend the place to their friends or family in the future.
Moreover
, the higher prices will lead tourists to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they might not
be welcomed
by local residents.

In addition
, it is unfair for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
tourists to pay higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attractions
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
International
tourists already contribute in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
sectors
economically
, such as spending money in eating in restaurants, staying in hotel, purchasing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
souvenirs, hiring transport vehicles, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.  
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
tourists will have their budgets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they arrange their travel plans. Extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
might be out of their affordability. If tourists learn about that there are extra fees for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attractions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the trips, they might choose other destinations with free admission to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attractions
.
As a result
, the tourism industry will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
as well
.

In conclusion
, higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attractions
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
tourists will cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
experiences and will lose the competition among tourism industry worldwide.
Therefore
, I
personally
support that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
visitors should pay the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
Comparison is written 'the same ... "as"'.
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
residents for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attractions
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay 2. Some people think that foreign visitors should be charged more than locals when they visit cultural and tourist attractions in a country. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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