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(19/09/2015) Everyone should become vegetarian because they do not need to eat meat to have a healthy diet. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

(19/09/2015) Everyone should become vegetarian because they do not need to eat meat to have a healthy diet. v. 2
Adopting a vegetarian diet can be the perfect way to stay healthy and happy rather than the consumption of meat. I totally agree with this view. There are a variety of reasons why becoming a vegetarian is beneficial. Firstly, a vegetarian diet is a sure way to build up our immune system, typically lower cholesterol level, stroke and obesity. It is no doubt true that using food derived from vegetables helps our body absorbed in more vitamins C and E, fibres instead of the amount of cholesterol in meat, which prevents from many detrimental healths related to hypertension, heart disease. Korean researchers after examining the long-term influences of following a vegetarian diet, concluded that body fat and cholesterol level were lower in vegetarians than meat-eater. In addition, reducing fat content deriving meat also helps the body get into shape, especially obese people, that is a measurable way to lose weight. However, it is also important to practice portion control, read food labels, and engage in regular physical activities. Moreover, a vegetarian diet also has its benefits to the mental health relating to depression because there is element freshness in organic food which cleanses our mind and keeps our thoughts positive. According to research, a vegetarian had a lower score on depression test and mood states compared to non-vegetarian. In terms of a balanced diet, we also notice the nutrition content to make sure that our body absorbed fully of essential elements, especially children in formative years. If vegetarian’s meals are not properly balanced, they might suffer from a lack of calories to meet their energy needs. In conclusion, vegetarian foods have a variety of benefits for both physical and mental health rather than meat consuming. However, we should combine with physical activities and take nutritious elements into consideration for our body.
Adopting a vegetarian diet can be the perfect way to stay healthy and happy
rather
than the consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view.

There are a variety of reasons why becoming a vegetarian is beneficial.
Firstly
, a vegetarian diet is a sure way to build up our immune system,
typically
lower cholesterol level, stroke and obesity. It is no doubt true that using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
derived from vegetables
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
absorbed in more vitamins C and E,
Possible spelling mistake. 'fibres' is British English.
fibres
instead
of the amount of cholesterol in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
detrimental
Possible spelling mistake found.
healths
related to hypertension, heart disease. Korean researchers after examining the long-term influences of following a vegetarian diet, concluded that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and cholesterol level
Did you mean "where" or "we"?
were
lower in vegetarians than meat-eater.
In addition
, reducing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
content deriving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into shape,
especially
obese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
that is
a measurable way to lose weight.
However
, it is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to practice portion control, read
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
labels, and engage in regular physical activities.

Moreover
, a vegetarian diet
also
has its benefits to the mental health relating to depression
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is element freshness in organic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which cleanses our mind and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
our thoughts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
. According to research, a vegetarian had a lower score on depression
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
and mood states compared to non-vegetarian. In terms of a balanced diet, we
also
notice the nutrition content to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
absorbed
fully
of essential elements,
especially
children in formative years. If vegetarian’s meals are not
properly
balanced, they might suffer from a lack of calories to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their energy needs.

In conclusion
, vegetarian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
have a variety of benefits for both physical and mental health
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
consuming.
However
, we should combine with physical activities and take nutritious elements into consideration for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay (19/09/2015) Everyone should become vegetarian because they do not need to eat meat to have a healthy diet. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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