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(19/09/2015) Everyone should become vegetarian because they do not need to eat meat to have a healthy diet. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

(19/09/2015) Everyone should become vegetarian because they do not need to eat meat to have a healthy diet. v. 1
It is ironic that even though wild animals are much stronger than human beings, they are still facing a dark side of extinction. This is mainly because of the human activities such as hunting animals for their skin and other body parts, and destroying their natural habitat. There are a number of solutions which should be implemented to deal with the issue of wildlife extinction. Firstly, the main reason for extinction of wild animals is due to the greed habits of human beings. That is to say, hunters poach animals to use their body parts for designing materialistic items. For example, elephant’s teeth are used to make home decors and similarly tiger’s skin is used for manufacturing of blankets and quilts. Secondly, animals are becoming endangered from the earth is due to the loss of their natural habitats. This is because, human beings recklessly cut down the forests to create new housing facilities for the growing population, without considering its impacts on the wildlife. There are two effective solutions to the problem of extinction of wildlife. One way to tackle this is that government should ensure that there are proper anti-poaching laws in place, which means a strict action will be taken against the people, who recklessly kills animals for their own greed. Another method in dealing with the issue of wildlife extinction is that government should create new forests if they are using an existing one for the housing purpose. By doing so, the animals will remain protected, which will eventually increase our natural diversity. To conclude, enforcing anti-hunting laws and creating new forest areas are effective in dealing with the issue. If government implemented these solutions, animal’s extinction will soon reduce.
It is ironic that
even though
wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are much stronger than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings, they are
still
facing a dark side of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extinction
. This is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
activities such as hunting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for their skin and other body parts, and destroying their natural habitat. There are a number of solutions which should
be implemented
to deal with the issue of wildlife extinction.

Firstly
, the main reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extinction
of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
is due to the greed habits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings.
That is
to say, hunters poach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their body parts for designing materialistic items.
For example
, elephant’s teeth are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
home decors and
similarly
tiger’s skin is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for manufacturing of blankets and quilts.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are becoming endangered from the earth is due to the loss of their natural habitats. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings
recklessly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down the forests to create new housing facilities for the growing population, without considering its impacts on the wildlife.

There are two effective solutions to the problem of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extinction
of wildlife. One way to tackle this is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should ensure that there are proper anti-poaching laws in place, which means a strict action will
be taken
against the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, who
recklessly
kills
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
greed. Another method in dealing with the issue of wildlife
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extinction
is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should create new forests if they are using an existing one for the housing purpose. By doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
will remain protected, which will
eventually
increase our natural diversity.

To conclude
, enforcing anti-hunting laws and creating new forest areas are effective in dealing with the issue. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
implemented these solutions,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extinction
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay (19/09/2015) Everyone should become vegetarian because they do not need to eat meat to have a healthy diet. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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