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18. 09. 2017 Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

18. 09. 2017 Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. v. 2
Today the volume of products and services purchased by people has reached new heights. Many aver that this trend rather mirrors effectiveness of advertising than needs of those who bought the goods. I completely agree with this prospect and below the reasons on which my stance is based will be discussed in details. To begin with, advertisement is undoubtedly a true engine of today’s economy. Firstly, a research carried out by the Economist demonstrates that there is a direct correlation between the amount of money spend on promotion of goods and the size of sales. In other words, the more company or firm spends on commercials and other types of advertisement, the higher sales are. Secondly, the incredible efficiency is apparently a result of a shameless usage of scientific knowledge in promoting stuff. For instance, creators of TV commercials routinely exploit psychological, biological and physiological knowledge to manipulate viewers’ emotions, feelings, motives and consequently behavior. Thus, advertisement is an unquestionably efficient tool of increasing sales. At the same time, those skyrocketing sales do not reflect people’s true needs. Primarily, there are a lot of urgent issues that cannot be satisfied with wasting financial resources of things and services. For instance, there are many growing problems such as gender inequality, environmental and traffic ones that are not solved or alleviated via purchasing novel smartphones, automobiles, electronics or clothes. Moreover, there are necessities that are exploited in commercials but not satisfied by the advertised goods. For example, a commercial may imply that if a person buys an advertised new laptop, he will get women’s attention and people’s respect but in reality paying money for the computer will not bring the expected result. Thus, high sales do not reflect real needs of society. To sum up, the discussed trend seems to be created by the might of advertisement and not by real wants of society.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
the volume of products and services
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
reached new heights.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
aver that this trend
rather
mirrors effectiveness of advertising than needs of those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this prospect and below the reasons on which my stance
is based
will
be discussed
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
is
undoubtedly
a true engine of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s economy.
Firstly
,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
carried out by the Economist demonstrates that there is a direct correlation between the amount of money spend on promotion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and the size of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
.
In other words
, the more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
or firm spends on commercials and other types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
, the higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
are.
Secondly
, the incredible efficiency is
apparently
a result of a shameless usage of scientific knowledge in promoting stuff.
For instance
, creators of TV commercials
routinely
exploit psychological, biological and physiological knowledge to manipulate viewers’ emotions, feelings, motives and
consequently
behavior.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
is an
unquestionably
efficient tool of increasing sales.

At the same time, those skyrocketing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
do not reflect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s true needs.
Primarily
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
urgent issues that cannot
be satisfied
with wasting financial resources of things and services.
For instance
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
growing problems such as gender inequality, environmental and traffic ones that are not solved or alleviated via purchasing novel smartphones, automobiles, electronics or clothes.
Moreover
, there are necessities that
are exploited
in commercials
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not satisfied by the advertised
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
may imply that if a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buys
an advertised new laptop, he will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
women’s attention and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s respect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in reality paying money for the computer will not bring the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
result.
Thus
, high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
do not reflect real needs of society.

To sum up, the discussed trend seems to
be created
by the might of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
and not by real wants of society.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay 18. 09. 2017 Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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