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TPO-31Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Because the world is changing so quickly, people now are less happy or less satisfied with their lives than people were in the past v.1

TPO-31 Because the world is changing so quickly, people now are less happy or less satisfied with their lives than people were in the past v. 1
Business play a vital role in economic development. They not only role is to make profit, but also have responsibilities towards society. I completely agree with the notion because they need to protect the environment and also support their manpower. To begin with, Entrepreneur has major responsibility towards the environment. They must not only look at generating profits from the trading activity. They must also look at the surroundings where they are performing their manufacturing activity. In order to produce a product, power is needed and the common form of power used by many manufacturing entities is a fossil fuel. The major sources of fumes are released by this industry and also the waste extracted from the production process is also releasing harmful chemicals which are released into the oceans. Both are the major factors behind global warming, which is damaging our climate. Furthermore, Increase of revenue and profit from the industrial activity must not be the only aim of businessmen, they have another major role towards the workforce which is used in their manufacturing process in the industries. The labourers in factories not only have duty in the factory but also a bigger part to play the other side. Family member is equally important for the labour. If they are physically and mentally fit. They can help in factory productivity. Hence employer needs to look after their family benefits and also to make them happy. This factory worker can be happy when they are not forced to spend more time in factories and dedicated apart from working hours to their family member. In conclusion, Environmental protection and labour policies are two reasons for my agreement.
Business play a vital role in economic development. They not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
role is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
profit,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
have responsibilities towards society. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the notion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they need to protect the environment and
also
support their manpower.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, Entrepreneur has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
responsibility towards the environment. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
look at generating profits from the trading activity. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
also
look at the surroundings where they are performing their manufacturing activity. In order to produce a product, power
is needed
and the common form of power
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
manufacturing entities is a fossil fuel. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
sources of fumes
are released
by this industry and
also
the waste extracted from the production process is
also
releasing harmful chemicals which
are released
into the oceans. Both are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
factors behind global warming, which is damaging our climate.

Furthermore
, Increase of revenue and profit from the industrial activity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
aim of businessmen, they have another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
role towards the workforce which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in their manufacturing process in the industries. The
Possible spelling mistake found.
labourers
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factories
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
have duty in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factory
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
a bigger part to play the other side. Family member is
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
. If they are
physically
and mentally fit. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factory
productivity.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
employer needs to look after their family benefits and
also
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them happy. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factory
worker can be happy when they are not forced to spend more time in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factories
and dedicated apart from working hours to their family member.

In conclusion
, Environmental protection and
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
policies are two reasons for my agreement.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay TPO-31 Because the world is changing so quickly, people now are less happy or less satisfied with their lives than people were in the past v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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