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When students move to a new school, they sometimes face problems. How can schools help these students with their problems? v.1

When students move to a new school, they sometimes face problems. How can schools help these students with their problems? v. 1
When a student moves to a new school he or she can face some problems. I think that almost all people had to move from one place to another in their lives and I am not an exception. My family moved twice during my childhood. My father is an architect, so, my family had to move from one place to another when the old construction was over and my father was offered to develop a new project. Two major problems I had to face in a new school were "no friends" and "a huge amount of new people". In the following paragraphs, I will analyse these problems and make suggestions about how a school can help a student in this situation. The first difficulty I had to face in a new school was a huge amount of new people such as teachers and classmates, who have no idea who I am. It was easy with the teachers, I usually stayed after the class, introduced myself to him or her and asked about their curriculum. However, with my new classmates, it was a little more difficult. I had to stand up for myself a few times because this is the way students get to know each other. However, I believe that there is a better way to get to know each other. I think that schools should participate in this process. For example, they can organise some kind of welcome class, where new students will have the opportunity to meet their new classmates and introduce themselves. The second problem I had to face in a new school was that I had no friends. I could not meet my old friends because they were too far away and I did not have a chance to make new friends. Nowadays, I think it is easier because almost every student has an Internet access, so, he can chat with his old friends. Unfortunately, I did not have such an opportunity when I was a student. I believe that schools can help newcomers by helping them to merge faster with their new classes. For example, a school can attach someone to a newcomer and the first one will help a new student to accustom himself to a new environment. In conclusion, I would like to add, that moving from one school to another brings not only problems but also many benefits. For example, I learned how to make new friends fast and how to overcome obstacles. I think that it made me stronger as a person and I am glad that I had this experience in my life.
When a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moves
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
he or she can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that almost all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
from one place to another in their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lives and
I am not an exception. My family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
twice during my childhood. My father is an architect,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, my family had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
from one place to another when the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
construction was over and my father
was offered
to develop a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
project. Two major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
I had to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
were
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
no friends
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
and
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
a huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
. In the following paragraphs, I will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
suggestions about how a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
in this situation.

The
first
difficulty I had to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
was a huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
such as teachers and classmates, who have no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
who I am. It was easy with the teachers, I
usually
stayed after the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, introduced myself to him or her and asked about their curriculum.
However
, with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
classmates, it was a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
more difficult. I had to stand up for myself a few times
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this is the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know each other.
However
, I believe that there is a better way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know each other. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should participate in this process.
For example
, they can
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of welcome
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will have the opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
classmates and introduce themselves.

The second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
I had to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
was that I had no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. I could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
my
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they were too far away and I did not have a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. Nowadays, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
it is easier
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
almost every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
has an Internet access,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, he can chat with his
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. Unfortunately, I did not have such an opportunity when I was a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
newcomers by helping them to merge faster with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
classes.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
can attach someone to a newcomer and the
first
one will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to accustom himself to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
environment.

In conclusion
, I would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
, that moving from one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
to another brings not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits.
For example
, I learned how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and how to overcome obstacles. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that it made me stronger as a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
person and
I am glad that I had this experience in my life.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
50Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay When students move to a new school, they sometimes face problems. How can schools help these students with their problems? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
433 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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