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1430 Describe a picnic or meal that you ate outdoors. You should sayWhere you had this mealWho was with youWhat you ate and drankAnd explain why you enjoyed this picnic or outdoor meal. v.1

1430 Describe a picnic or meal that you ate outdoors. You should sayWhere you had this mealWho was with youWhat you ate and drankAnd explain why you enjoyed this picnic or outdoor meal. v. 1
Many divergent views exist on whether parents should provide pocket money to their children or not. A great number of people, including myself, are of the opinion that parents should give some amount of money to their children so that they could acquire financial skills, although they should control and shadow their children on how the money is being spent. The primary reason to provide a certain amount of money to the younger generation is that they can learn money management skills. In other words, during their entire childhood these youngsters hardly learn financial management skills through their academic curriculum. It stands to reason that when they learn this skills, they will better prepared for their future life when they need to manage their daily expenditure by themselves. As a result, they will be able to financially independent in the future because they would have learned important money saving skills from their childhood. I am hardly alone in this view, a 2007 study, for instance, conducted by a team of researchers at the University of Toronto found that those children who have received some amount of money during their high-school years were able to effectively manage their university expenses as well they were able to pay a university loan much quicker than those who did not gain such skills during adolescence. On the other hand, we should not forget the detrimental influence money could have on children's life. It is evident that virtually anything can be bought by money and this may lead some children to bad habits. It goes without saying that if the young people learn bad habits, namely smoking, drinking alcohol, etc. , at the early age of their life, they may leverage the money as medium to purchase those products to indulge themselves instead of learning positive skills. My friend, Amit, is a shining example of this. He used to receive a handsome amount of cash from his family members. One day, he was influenced by some teenagers and he started to buy nicotine products to consume illegally during high school years. Before he knew it, he started to suffer from many health-related diseases, and later he diagnosed with Cancer. To sum up, I maintain that pocket money can provide vital lessons to children. However, their parents should take up the responsibility of managing their children's pocket money spending habits as their kids could easily divert to bad habits.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
divergent views exist on whether parents should provide pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
or not. A great number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, including myself, are of the opinion that parents should give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they could acquire financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, although they should control and shadow their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on how the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
being spent
.

The primary reason to provide a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to the younger generation is that they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
In other words
, during their entire childhood these youngsters hardly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
financial management
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
through their academic curriculum. It stands to reason that when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, they will better prepared for their future life when they need to manage their daily expenditure by themselves.
As a result
, they will be able to
financially
independent in the future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they would have learned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
from their childhood. I am hardly alone in this view, a 2007 study,
for instance
, conducted by a team of researchers at the University of Toronto found that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who have received
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
during their high-school years were able to
effectively
manage their university expenses
as well
they were able to pay a university loan much quicker than those who did not gain such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
during adolescence.

On the other hand
, we should not forget the detrimental influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
could have on children's life. It is evident that
virtually
anything can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and this may lead
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
. It goes without saying that if the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
,
namely
smoking, drinking alcohol, etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
at the early age of their life, they may leverage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as medium to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
those products to indulge themselves
instead
of learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. My friend, Amit, is a shining example of this. He
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to receive a handsome
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of cash from his family members. One day, he
was influenced
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
teenagers and
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
nicotine products to consume
illegally
during high school years.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
he knew it, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to suffer from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health-related diseases, and later he diagnosed with Cancer.

To sum up, I maintain that pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can provide vital lessons to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
However
, their parents should take up the responsibility of managing their children's pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
as their kids could
easily
divert to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay 1430 Describe a picnic or meal that you ate outdoors. You should sayWhere you had this mealWho was with youWhat you ate and drankAnd explain why you enjoyed this picnic or outdoor meal. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
403 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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