Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

15. 09. 2017 work with mistakes. Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.1

15. 09. 2017 work with mistakes. Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. v. 1
That an overwhelming majority of people advocate the surge in living standard in a country only seems to benefit urban area more than countryside is one the most utterly debated issues in modern society. The objective of this essay is to investigate the main problems caused by this phenomenon, and also recommend a variety of means to deal with the situation. On the one hand, this issue can negatively influence the society in a number of ways. The first point to note is that individuals who live in rural areas tend to migrate huge cities for high living standards and high-quality facilities such as education and health service, which have several adverse effects on the environment. To be more specific, a vast majority of people are more likely to live in metropolises; therefore, the population rate soars in these cities, as a result of which traffic jam easily occurs in urban areas, which lead to air pollution. For instance, the traffic jam is observed in huge cities, owing to which it may increase the rate of air pollution. Furthermore, people who lived in remote areas may feel dissatisfied. To elaborate, city dwellers may have a plethora of facilities such as malls, shopping centres, albeit individuals who live in the countryside can hardly find to attend these kinds of places in urban areas. Nevertheless, there are numerous viable solutions to address this issue. In order to overcome the problem of the gap between rural and urban area, certain measures should be taken by authorities. First and foremost, in today’s world, people attend to huge cities to obtain tertiary education and their well-beings, due to this reason that if governments ensure countryside inhabitants with universities and new hospitals, these persons hardly migrate to metropolises. Moreover, a great number of people are certain to live cities to find descent job, thus governments can increase job opportunities so as decline the rate of population in urban areas. By way of conclusion, the traffic jam and overpopulation are the most visible problems; however, this tendency can be solved by opening new workplace and providing universities and hospitals. I recommend that authorities endeavour to increase people’s living standards.
That an overwhelming majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
advocate the surge in living standard in a country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
seems to benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
more than countryside is
Did you mean "one of"?
one
the most
utterly
debated issues in modern society. The objective of this essay is to investigate the main problems caused by this phenomenon, and
also
recommend a variety of means to deal with the situation.

On the one hand, this issue can
negatively
influence the society in a number of ways. The
first
point to note is that individuals who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
tend to migrate huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
for high living standards and high-quality facilities such as education and health service, which have several adverse effects on the environment. To be more specific, a vast majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more likely to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in metropolises;
therefore
, the population rate soars in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
,
as a result
of which traffic jam
easily
occurs in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, which lead to air pollution.
For instance
, the traffic jam
is observed
in huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, owing to which it may increase the rate of air pollution.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
may feel dissatisfied. To elaborate, city dwellers may have a plethora of facilities such as malls, shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, albeit individuals who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in the countryside can hardly find to attend these kinds of places in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
areas.

Nevertheless
, there are numerous viable solutions to address this issue. In order to overcome the problem of the gap between rural and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
, certain measures should
be taken
by authorities.
First
and foremost, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
attend to huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
to obtain tertiary education and their well-beings, due to this reason that if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
ensure countryside inhabitants with universities and new hospitals, these persons hardly migrate to metropolises.
Moreover
, a great number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are certain to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
to find descent job,
thus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can increase job opportunities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
as decline the rate of population in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
areas.

By way of conclusion, the traffic jam and overpopulation are the most visible problems;
however
, this tendency can
be solved
by opening new workplace and providing universities and hospitals. I recommend that authorities
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavour' is British English.
endeavour
to increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
living standards.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay 15. 09. 2017 work with mistakes. Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
362 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts