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14. 09. 2017 Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion v.2

14. 09. 2017 Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. 2
Many aver that it is parents’ duty to educate their offspring how to be a decent citizen. At the same time, some claim that schools ought to be responsible for forging benevolent members of the community. Below both prospect will be discussed in details and author’s opinion will be stated. On the one hand, parents who by default know their progeny better may effectively pass on them social norms and mores. To illustrate, a mother starts to explain to her daughter what is wrong and good at an early age by talking to her, prizing right and punishing vicious conduct. When kids become older parents, who are perceived by dependent children as a paragon and ideal, teach the youngsters via demonstration how to correctly interact with a family and with others. In other words, parents have auspicious circumstances that allow them to form offspring’s understanding of social norms. On the other hand, there are well-prepared educators who were trained at university how to work with young people efficiently. Those professionals may change the society via shaping children’s mores and social standards in a desirable direction. For example, the attitude to LGBT society in western countries such as Germany, Canada, the USA, France and the UK has been changing dramatically within this decade. This alteration has been achieved via novel educational programs that were implemented at elementary and secondary school by the staff. In other words, a school system is a powerful tool of a state that must be used to steer community to a right direction. In conclusion, although parents could influence and shape descendants’ consciousness, such social institution as school ought to be responsible for the task because it gives a chance to get rid of obsolete norms and create more proper ones.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
aver that it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
duty to educate their offspring how to be a decent citizen. At the same time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
ought to be responsible for forging benevolent members of the community. Below both prospect will
be discussed
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
and author’s opinion will
be stated
.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who by default know their progeny better may
effectively
pass on them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
norms and mores. To illustrate, a mother
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
to her daughter what is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at an early age by talking to her, prizing right and punishing vicious conduct. When kids become older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, who
are perceived
by dependent children as a paragon and ideal, teach the youngsters via demonstration how to
correctly
interact with a family and with others. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have auspicious circumstances that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to form offspring’s understanding of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
norms.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are well-prepared educators who
were trained
at university how to work with young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
efficiently
. Those professionals may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the society via shaping children’s mores and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
standards in a desirable direction.
For example
, the attitude to LGBT society in western countries such as Germany, Canada, the USA, France and the UK has been changing
dramatically
within this decade. This alteration has
been achieved
via novel educational programs that
were implemented
at elementary and secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
by the staff. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
system is a powerful tool of a state that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to steer community to a right direction.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
could influence and shape descendants’ consciousness, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
institution as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
ought to be responsible for the task
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it gives a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of obsolete norms and create more proper ones.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay 14. 09. 2017 Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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