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131) Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Only people who earn a lot of money are successful. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.2

131) Only people who earn a lot of money are successful. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2
The paramount goal of everyone is to be successful in his life. Success is a kind of achievement in which someone is infused by a sense of satisfaction. Perhaps money is the most important factor in it. There are a lot of debate among people about that whether earning a lot of money means success. As far as I’m concerned, I believe that money is the very proper indicator for being successful for some reasons that I list in following paragraph. First of all, proficient people who have a lot of abilities and skills in their field can earn enormous money because of their knowledge and this shows that they are prosperous in their life. When someone becomes master in his field, he can offer prefect value, service, or product that a lot of people will to pay a good money to gain that. For example, a skillful mechanic who can pin point and fix the problem expeditiously take more money for his services and has abundant customers. As a result, he earns plenty of money and he is considered as a successful man in his guild. Secondly, people can consider themselves as a successful human, when they have ability to fulfill their desire. Many desire need a lot of money to become reality so if they earn excessive money, they can be successful. For example, when someone helping poor people, he become satisfied from himself so he think that he’s prosperous in his life. In this condition, if he built some places to shelter them, he will assume himself as a prosperous man and he will think that he is successful. He can only accomplish this dream, if he can earn a lot of money. In conclusion, there are many convincing reasons that show that earning abundance of money means success. A proficient person earn plenty of money based on his knowledge that shows that he is prosperous in his life. Furthermore, someone can be successful when he has ability to do what he wants and the money is the only thing that gives him this advantages. Thus, people must earn a lot on money to consider themselves as successful men or women.
The paramount goal of everyone is to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Success is a kind of achievement in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
someone
is infused
by a sense of satisfaction. Perhaps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor in it. There are a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of debate among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about that whether earning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
means success. As far as I’m concerned, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
proper indicator for being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons that I list in following paragraph.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, proficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of abilities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in their field can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
enormous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their knowledge and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prosperous
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
someone
becomes master in his field, he can offer prefect value, service, or product that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will to pay a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to gain that.
For example
, a skillful mechanic who can pin point and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
the problem
expeditiously
take more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for his services and has abundant customers.
As a result
, he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earns
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
money and
he
is considered
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
in his guild.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can consider themselves as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
human, when they have ability to fulfill their desire.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
desire need a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to become reality
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, they can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
.
For example
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
someone
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "helps", "helped".
helping
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, he become satisfied from himself
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "thinks", "thought".
think
that he’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prosperous
in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. In this condition, if he built
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
places to shelter them, he will assume himself as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prosperous
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
man and
he will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that he is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
. He can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
accomplish this dream, if he can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of money.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
convincing reasons that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that earning abundance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
means success. A proficient person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
based on his knowledge that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that he is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prosperous
in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
someone
can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
when he has ability to do what he wants and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
thing that gives him this advantages.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to consider themselves as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
or women.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
52Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay 131) Only people who earn a lot of money are successful. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
364 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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