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53. A sociology class requires that students expose themselves to day-to-day work in a local social service agency. To do this, students can choose to volunteer atone specific agency, or they can choose to visit two or three agencies and write uptheir obs v.1

53. A sociology class requires that students expose themselves to day-to-day work in a local social service agency. To do this, students can choose to volunteer atone specific agency, or they can choose to visit two or three agencies and write uptheir obs v. 1
The question of what to prioritize for guiding young, innocent children in schools has been hotly debated over the last half century, with some believing that more focus should be paid to history rather than other subjects. While there are strong arguments on both sides of the discussion, I strongly agree that science and technology are of greater importance. One the one hand, those who support teaching historical information and events cite various benefits that the subject can bring to a child. These range from getting insight of the past to building up patriotism. For instance, if young teenagers were raised without knowing much about their homeland, they could end up at showing no respect or appreciation to their ancestors who had previously worked so hard or even fought bravely to protect their country from outside enemies. By giving lectures and teaching materials involved in what happened to a well-known, historic place, a teacher can thus secure positive attitudes toward a nation among his students, as well as encourage them to continue to protect their country. However, I tend to side with those who say that teaching students about scientific or technological knowledge is far better than showing them monotonous dates and past events. In this fast-growing world, the advance of technology has transformed the way that a man works and lives, from learning something new to paying the bills. If a pupil, for example, were not taught how to use a computer or access information through the Internet, I do believe that this kid would grow up with more disadvantages or even lack of opportunities to find a decent job, especially in today’s highly competitive employment market. Another argument for this viewpoint is that modern humans are suffering from tragic diseases like AIDS or cancer, and increasing unpredictable natural disasters like tsunamis or droughts. Therefore, paying higher attention to researching and teaching in such areas is in fact a security for the future of all human beings. In conclusion, I can understand the undeniable role of history in a child’s education, but it seems to me that the fields of science and technology are indeed more necessary in terms of job hunting or carrying out scientific researches.
The question of what to prioritize for guiding young, innocent children in schools has been
hotly
debated over the last half century, with
some
believing that more focus should
be paid
to history
rather
than other subjects. While there are strong arguments on both sides of the discussion, I
strongly
agree
that science and technology are of greater importance.

One
the one hand, those who support
teaching
historical information and
events
cite various benefits that the subject can bring to a child. These range from getting insight of the past to building up patriotism.
For instance
, if young
teenagers
were raised
without knowing much about their homeland, they could
end
up at showing no respect or appreciation to their ancestors who had previously worked
so
hard
or even fought
bravely
to protect their country from outside enemies. By giving lectures and
teaching
materials involved in what happened to a well-known, historic place, a teacher can
thus
secure
positive
attitudes toward a nation among his students,
as well
as encourage them to continue to protect their country.

However
, I tend to side with those who say that
teaching
students about scientific or technological knowledge is far better than showing them monotonous dates and past
events
. In this
fast
-growing world, the advance of technology has transformed the way that a
man
works and
lives
, from learning something new to paying the bills. If a pupil,
for example
, were not taught how to
use
a computer or access information through the Internet, I do believe that this kid would grow up with more disadvantages or even lack of opportunities to find a decent job,
especially
in
today
’s
highly
competitive employment market. Another argument for this viewpoint is that modern humans are suffering from tragic diseases like AIDS or cancer, and increasing unpredictable natural disasters like tsunamis or droughts.
Therefore
, paying higher attention to researching and
teaching
in such areas is in fact a security for the future of all human beings.

In conclusion
, I can understand the undeniable role of history in a child’s education,
but
it seems to me that the fields of science and technology are
indeed
more necessary in terms of job hunting or carrying out scientific researches.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay 53. A sociology class requires that students expose themselves to day-to-day work in a local social service agency. To do this, students can choose to volunteer atone specific agency, or they can choose to visit two or three agencies and write uptheir obs v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
368 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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