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1. The number of older people is increasing. Some people think it will cause problem to their countries, others believe this group is important to the society. Discuss both view and give your own opinion. v.1

1. The number of older people is increasing. Some people think it will cause problem to their countries, others believe this group is important to the society. v. 1
There are different beliefs about the increasing number of aging people. While several people pointing that it will create a bad situation for the whole country, others argue that it can be a beneficial substance to the society. This essay will first, describe both of these sides and then produce my personal opinion. It is undoubtedly true that increasing retired workers can involved in the less challenging work. Moreover, due to their low immune system, they required huge medical treatment throughout their upcoming life journey. Result of this, they cannot earn good money and cannot pay the taxes, and they have to rely on the facilities sponsored by the government. Thus, the financial burden on government will be increased and eventually the economy of the country will be degraded. At the other side, where people urge that such older group of people is vitally important to the community because of their huge knowledge and a number of years’ practical experience. They might be suggesting that the information and the skill senior people have that can save company’s huge money and time. For example, if an IT guy stuck at some error or could not find any solution of the problem, than the senior person who has been through such ups and down so many times in his life with the same kind of error can solve it quickly. Hence, it saves precious time and can easily teach to the junior. In conclusion, although the older people demand medical expenses and provide less contribution in the tax, I believe that they can guide and enhance the productivity of young generation with the help of their own knowledge and experience, and can support the society.
There are
different
beliefs about the increasing number of aging
people
. While several
people
pointing that it will create a
bad
situation for the whole country, others argue that it can be a beneficial substance to the society. This essay will
first
,
describe
both of these sides and then produce my personal opinion.

It is
undoubtedly
true that increasing retired workers can involved in the less challenging work.
Moreover
, due to their low immune system, they required huge medical treatment throughout their upcoming life journey. Result of this, they cannot earn
good
money and cannot pay the taxes, and they
have to
rely on the facilities sponsored by the
government
.
Thus
, the financial burden on
government
will
be increased
and
eventually
the economy of the country will
be degraded
.

At the other side, where
people
urge that such older group of
people
is
vitally
important
to the community
because
of their huge knowledge and a number of years’ practical experience. They might be suggesting that the information and the
skill
senior
people
have that can save
company
’s huge money and time.
For example
, if an IT guy stuck at
some
error or could not find any solution of the problem, than the senior person who has been through such ups and down
so
many
times in his life with the same kind of error can solve it
quickly
.
Hence
, it saves precious time and can
easily
teach to the junior.

In conclusion
, although the older
people
demand medical expenses and provide less contribution in the tax, I believe that they can guide and enhance the productivity of young generation with the
help
of their
own
knowledge and experience, and can support the society.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay 1. The number of older people is increasing. Some people think it will cause problem to their countries, others believe this group is important to the society. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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