Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think that spending a lot on holding wedding parties, birthday parties and other celebrations is just a waste of money. Others, however, think that these are necessary for individuals and the society. Discuss. v.5

Some people think that spending a lot on holding wedding parties, birthday parties and other celebrations is just a waste of money. Others, however, think that these are necessary for individuals and the society. Discuss. v. 5
It is argued that event celebrations such as wedding or birthday parties are essential for people and their social circle, while others claim that these events are too expensive. I firmly agree that celebrations cost a lot and, therefore, are redundant. First of all, a wedding party is usually extremely expensive and could be spent more effectively. For example, an average wedding would collect minimum about 50 persons and have a total amount of several monthly salaries. Alternatively, this finances could be accumulated and invested in other vital family needs such as an apartment for a newborn family. In addition, the celebration time is not comparable to the time dedicated on earning money for a celebration. On the other hand, parties can help to strengthen the bond between people. While people interact with each other, they share their emotions and create new memories. Even though such events provide the best opportunities for socializing and building relationship, there are other more cost effective ways for it. For example, having an apartment instead of the wedding party, people can arrange small home parties. They are more affordable and still serve for a main purpose, but do not require to hire a venue. In conclusion, undoubtedly, that parties are crucial for all members of a social circle. However, I believe that party expenses can be spent more effectively, as well as there are other ways to celebrate is with less costs.
It
is argued
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
celebrations such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
or birthday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
are essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and their social circle, while others claim that these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
are too expensive. I
firmly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that celebrations cost a lot and,
therefore
, are redundant.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
is
usually
extremely
expensive and could
be spent
more
effectively
.
For example
, an average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
would collect minimum about 50 persons and have a total amount of several monthly salaries.
Alternatively
,
Did you mean "these"?
this
finances could
be accumulated
and invested in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
vital family needs such as an apartment for a newborn family.
In addition
, the celebration time is not comparable to the time dedicated on earning money for a celebration.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to strengthen the bond between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
interact with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, they share their emotions and create new memories.
Even though
such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
provide the best opportunities for socializing and building relationship, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
more cost effective ways for it.
For example
, having an apartment
instead
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can arrange
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
. They are more affordable and
still
serve for a main purpose,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
do not require to hire a venue.

In conclusion
,
undoubtedly
, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
are crucial for all members of a social circle.
However
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
expenses can
be spent
more
effectively
,
as well
as there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
ways to celebrate is with
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun costs is countable.
less
costs.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that spending a lot on holding wedding parties, birthday parties and other celebrations is just a waste of money. Others, however, think that these are necessary for individuals and the society. Discuss. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
238 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts