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1. Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion. v.1

1. Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. v. 1
Earning a high income through the professionals of successful sports is a great chance for some people, while others argue that it is not justified compared to other occupations. In this essay, both very topical debates would be investigated as well as a deep reason. The proponents of this perspective are extremely encouraging on what the athlete's achievements. First and foremost, this kind of individuals is appropriately reaching the great deal from their effort. As usual, they have been a representative of their nation, and try to show their best performance in international occasions. Furthermore, they are working only for the sake of the country. It is highly likely that they ready to sacrifice themselves to be the fighter of the state for every sport olympiad around the world. It can be noticed they have to obtain the great deal as well as the higher compensation for their efforts as long as they work for the goodness of their nation. Taking athletes in ASEAN Games as instance, all of the winners in this sport competition are given the amount of money as a gift. However, the opponents are disappointed on the government's act towards people's job on sports. Firstly, they disagree that this kind of professional has been appreciated with a lot of money. Due to the other part of occupations that might be considerable to attain the great reward, including teacher and doctor which have been more contributing in society. Moreover, the athletes are only taking part in some occasions that has been rarely occurred, then the big contribution towards the state are coming from a teacher and a doctor. Both occupations are influencing more on two aspects: education and health. By following this reason, it is unfair to the government for more appreciating only to the sports professional instead of both of them. By way of conclusion, the advocates said that the athletes should acquire best reward based on their efforts in fighting in the name of the nation, yet some people agree to say that teacher and doctor are suitable professionals to reach great deal from the right authority. As I would state that the policy maker also have to appreciate both of those best occupations.
Earning a high income through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
of successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
chance for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, while others argue that it is not justified compared to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occupations
. In this essay, both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
topical debates would
be investigated
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
a deep reason.

The proponents of this perspective are
extremely
encouraging on what the athlete's achievements.
First
and foremost, this kind of individuals is
appropriately
reaching the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
deal from their effort. As usual, they have been a representative of their nation, and try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their best performance in international occasions.
Furthermore
, they are working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for the sake of the country. It is
highly
likely that they ready to sacrifice themselves to be the fighter of the state for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
Possible spelling mistake found.
olympiad
around the world. It can
be noticed
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
obtain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
deal
as well
as the higher compensation for their efforts as long as they work for the goodness of their nation. Taking athletes in ASEAN Games as instance,
Consider using "all the".
all of the
winners in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
competition are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the amount of money as a gift.

However
, the opponents
are disappointed
on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's act towards
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's job on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
Firstly
, they disagree that this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
has
been appreciated
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money. Due to the other part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occupations
that might be considerable to attain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
reward, including teacher and doctor which have been more contributing in society.
Moreover
, the athletes are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
taking part in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
occasions that
The adverb 'rarely' is usually put between 'has' and 'been'.
has been rarely
occurred, then the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
contribution towards the state are coming from a teacher and a doctor. Both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occupations
are influencing more on two aspects: education and health. By following this reason, it is unfair to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
for more appreciating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
instead
of both of them.

By way of conclusion, the advocates said that the athletes should
A determiner is probably missing here: "acquire the best".
acquire best
reward based on their efforts in fighting in the name of the nation,
yet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to say that teacher and doctor are suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
to reach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
deal from the right authority.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
I would state that the
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
policy maker
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
appreciate both of those best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occupations
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay 1. Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
369 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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