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1. Many people say that the only way to guarantee a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. Discuss v.1

1. Many people say that the only way to guarantee a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. Discuss v. 1
It has been argued that to achieve success in life is to get an expensive degree while others believe one can only succeed with hands on experience at work instead of tertiary education. In my opinion depending on occupation each path can be lead to prosperous careers. To begin with tertiary education not only expands student’s knowledge in a particular department but also introduces them to various other fields which many students are unaware of that have equally lucrative earnings. According to a research, 70% of students changed their majors after first year of attending university after becoming aware of other higher earning programs. Since students are able to make conscious decision after their education, they can able to secure a high paid job while having successful careers. Thus, university education is important for number of professions and exposure to unpopular educational areas. To the contrary, not every job description requires expensive university education. Vocational training schools which are much shorter and cheaper than universities, have some programs where earnings are significantly higher as oppose to someone with a degree, a great example for this would be carpenters. Mechanics, and plumbing, are some of the examples where hands on experience is more valuable as opposed to book knowledge. Hence, it is reasonable to believe that a person can reach same level of achievement without higher education as someone with a degree. In conclusion, I believe that one must be confident in their field of choice before attending university due to costly education. Students must be exposed to various career choices in high school so they can make an informed decision for their future professional life.
It has
been argued
that to achieve success in life is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an expensive degree while others believe one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
succeed with hands on experience at work
instead
of tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. In my opinion depending on occupation each path can be lead to prosperous careers.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
expands
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
knowledge in a particular department
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
introduces them to various other fields which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are unaware of that have
equally
lucrative earnings. According to a research, 70% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
their majors after
first
year of attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
after becoming aware of other higher earning programs. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
conscious decision after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, they
Please check whether one of these words is redundant.
can able to
secure a high paid job while having successful careers.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for number of professions and exposure to unpopular educational areas.

To the contrary, not every job description requires expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. Vocational training schools which are much shorter and cheaper than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
, have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
programs where earnings are
significantly
higher
Did you mean "as opposed to"?
as oppose to
someone with a degree, a great example for this would be carpenters. Mechanics, and plumbing, are
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
examples where hands on experience is more valuable as opposed to book knowledge.
Hence
, it is reasonable to believe that a person can reach same level of achievement without higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
as someone with a degree.

In conclusion
, I believe that one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be confident in their field of choice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
due to costly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be exposed
to various career choices in high school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an informed decision for their future professional life.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay 1. Many people say that the only way to guarantee a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. Discuss v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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