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Our personalities are predetermined as a result of our genes before we are born and there is nothing that can be done to change our character traits. To what extent do you agree? v.2

Our personalities are predetermined as a result of our genes before we are born and there is nothing that can be done to change our character traits. v. 2
Some believe that human characters are expected before the birth on the basis of their genetics and their character cannot be changed under any circumstances. I disagree that our behaviours have the same traits as per our genes and at any circumstances it cannot be modify. This essay will firstly discuss about how genes develop only the personality of mannerism and appearance and secondly about how the traits is developed based on education and surroundings of the character. To begin with, genes provides only physical characteristics to the offspring but not the character of the ancestors. Mostly mannerism are transferred from the genes to the new generations and further, they have the similarity in appearance of their old generation. Moreover, character depends on individual behaviour but not from the genes. For instance, a child can have the left handed with same height and skin tone as of their parents. Secondly, education and surroundings plays vital roles in one’s character development. On getting educated, future generations can know the difference between right and wrong doings and also circumstances makes a person to develop a good or bad character. Further, on being raised by steady parents makes the youngers more responsible and good citizens. While, children in unprivileged areas tend to become a juvenile delinquent. For example, kids growing around the crime prone area, will be influenced them to become delinquencies in future. In conclusion, I am of the opinion that genes gives the personality of having only mannerism and physical characteristics but not the character traits whereas education and surroundings changes the individual’s character
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
characters
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the birth on the basis of their genetics and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
character
cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
under any circumstances. I disagree that our
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
have the same traits as per our genes and at any circumstances it cannot be
Consider using the past participle "modified"?
modify
. This essay will
firstly
Did you mean simply "discuss how"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about how
genes develop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the personality of mannerism and appearance and
secondly
about how the traits
is developed
based on education and surroundings of the character.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, genes provides
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
physical characteristics to the offspring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
character
of the ancestors.
Mostly
mannerism
are transferred
from the genes to the new generations and
further
, they have the similarity in appearance of their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
generation.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
character
depends on individual
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not from the genes.
For instance
, a child can have the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
left handed
with same height and skin tone as of their parents.

Secondly
, education and surroundings plays vital roles in one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
character
development. On getting educated, future generations can know the difference between right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
doings and
also
circumstances
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a person to develop a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
character
.
Further
, on
being raised
by steady parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
youngers
more responsible and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
citizens.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, children in unprivileged areas tend to become a juvenile delinquent.
For example
, kids growing around the crime prone area, will
be influenced
them to become delinquencies
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.

In conclusion
, I am of the opinion that genes gives the personality of having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
mannerism and physical characteristics
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
character
traits whereas education and surroundings
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
the individual’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
character
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Our personalities are predetermined as a result of our genes before we are born and there is nothing that can be done to change our character traits. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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