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1) Children today spend more time watching television than they did in the past. Describe some of the advantages and disadvantages of television for children. v.1

1) Children today spend more time watching television than they did in the past. Describe some of the advantages and disadvantages of television for children. v. 1
In recent times, kids spend excess period looking at the television set than they did in the olden days. Although, there are a number of disadvantages of the young ones gazing at series of TV program, the major merits of these is that it broaden the knowledge of each offspring vocabulary and enhance their counting skills. One major benefit of kids watching screen box is the development of their vocabulary. No one denies that the television is the most important source of information and plays a prominent role to gain knowledge on wide range of concepts. Children can watch varieties of channels such as animal planet, spelling and mathematical channels which could help them to sharpen their skills on their favorite subjects and make them to achieve a desired grades in their academics. For instance, a survey carried out by a group of post graduate student on children and television. Undoubtedly, the result of this was that offspring who spent time watching an educational channel on spelling came out top of the class in spelling bee. Admittedly, children who watch mathematics station regularly will be highly efficient in numerical subjects. On the other hand, there are some drawbacks of young humans following television programs for longer times. One of such demerits is the impact on their eyesight as many doctors and researchers have proven that watching of television excessively would lead to sever eye problems. Secondly, sitting more and more in-front of television would negatively affect children's social live since they would not have playtime with their fellow age mate. For example, most children who are diagnosed with colour blindness is as result of continuous staring into the television. In conclusion, every coin have two faces, ofwhich television is not exempt from that. Though there are advantages of children watching television, watching it for extended hours could result in potential dangers such as eyes diseases and not engaging in social activities.
In recent times, kids spend excess period looking at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
set than they did in the olden days. Although, there are a number of disadvantages of the young ones gazing at series of TV program, the major merits of these is that it broaden the knowledge of each offspring vocabulary and enhance their counting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

One major benefit of kids watching screen box is the development of their vocabulary. No one denies that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
source of information and plays a prominent role to gain knowledge on wide range of concepts.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
varieties of channels such as animal planet, spelling and mathematical channels which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to sharpen their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
on their favorite subjects and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them to achieve a desired
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "grade"?
grades
in their academics.
For instance
, a survey carried out by a group of post graduate student on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
.
Undoubtedly
, the result of this was that offspring who spent time watching an educational channel on spelling came out top of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
in spelling bee.
Admittedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
mathematics station
regularly
will be
highly
efficient in numerical subjects.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks of young humans following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
programs for longer times. One of such demerits is the impact on their eyesight as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
doctors and researchers have proven that watching of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
excessively
would lead to sever eye problems.
Secondly
, sitting more and more in-front of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
would
negatively
affect children's social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
since they would not have playtime with their fellow age mate.
For example
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
are diagnosed
with
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
blindness is as result of continuous staring into the television.

In conclusion
, every coin have two faces,
Possible spelling mistake found.
ofwhich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is not exempt from that. Though there are advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
, watching it for extended hours could result in potential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
such as eyes diseases and not engaging in social activities.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay 1) Children today spend more time watching television than they did in the past. Describe some of the advantages and disadvantages of television for children. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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