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For all children, the ability to play a musical instrument is just as important as the ability to read and write. ’ How far do you agree with this suggestion? How important is it for a child to learn to play a musical instrument, in your view? v.2

For all children, the ability to play a musical instrument is just as important as the ability to read and write. ’ How far do you agree with this suggestion? How important is it for a child to learn to play a musical instrument, in your view? v. 2
The question of which skills to prioritise for a child’s early education is important for all parents and educators, and music can certainly claim to be a key possibility when deciding which abilities to teach. However, I feel that playing music is actually less important than basic literacy, and I will explain the reasons here. Firstly, it seems simplistic to say that music is paramount ‘for all children. ’ Certainly, there are some children who are highly talented or have great interest in music, and when we think of childhood prodigies such as Beethoven or Yehudi Menuhin we see how this talent can be brought out. However, such talents are rare, and even the enjoyment and cultural values to be gained from learning music cannot genuinely be compared to the benefits of becoming literate. Secondly, it is a fact that literacy is a guarantee of academic progress and the absorption of information, while playing music does not offer this security. For example, it would be unimaginable to transmit scientific or mathematical information to children via the medium of music. Finally, it is surely wiser to regard music as one of a wide range of secondary skills, ranking below literacy and sitting alongside sports, hobbies, foreign languages and other important but less essential activities. Of course, those who say that highly talented children must be allowed to develop their talents are quite correct; it is equally true, though, that few children seem to possess musical ability to the extent that it should be prioritised so highly for all pupils. In conclusion, I would not wish to underestimate the potential benefits of learning to play music for a minority of children, and it should certainly be available as an option. However, if we think of all children in a given community, literacy appears to be a far stronger pathway to progress and independence.
The question of which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'prioritise' is British English.
prioritise
for a child’s early education is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for all parents and educators, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can
certainly
claim to be a key possibility when deciding which abilities to teach.
However
, I feel that playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is actually less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literacy
, and I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the reasons here.

Firstly
, it seems simplistic to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is paramount ‘for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. ’
Certainly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are
highly
talented or have great interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, and when we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of childhood prodigies such as Beethoven or
Possible spelling mistake found.
Yehudi
Menuhin we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
how this talent can
be brought
out.
However
, such talents are rare, and even the enjoyment and cultural values to
be gained
from learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
cannot
genuinely
be compared
to the benefits of becoming literate.
Secondly
, it is a fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literacy
is a guarantee of academic progress and the absorption of information, while playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
does not offer this security.
For example
, it would be unimaginable to transmit scientific or mathematical information to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
via the medium of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
Finally
, it is
surely
wiser to regard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as one of a wide range of secondary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, ranking below
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literacy
and sitting alongside sports, hobbies, foreign languages and other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
less essential activities.

Of course
, those who say that
highly
talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to develop their talents are quite correct; it is
equally
true, though, that few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
seem to possess musical ability to the extent that it should be
Possible spelling mistake. 'prioritised' is British English.
prioritised
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
highly
for all pupils.

In conclusion
, I would not wish to underestimate the potential benefits of learning to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
for a minority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, and it should
certainly
be available as an option.
However
, if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
community,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literacy
appears to be a far stronger pathway to progress and independence.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay For all children, the ability to play a musical instrument is just as important as the ability to read and write. ’ How far do you agree with this suggestion? How important is it for a child to learn to play a musical instrument, in your view? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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