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09. 10. 2017You have bought a new laptop computer and in a few days of purchase discovered a major flaw. Write a letter to the company. In your letter, Introduce your self. explain the situation. say what action you would like to company to take. v.1

09. 10. 2017You have bought a new laptop computer and in a few days of purchase discovered a major flaw. Write a letter to the company. In your letter, Introduce your self. explain the situation. say what action you would like to company to take. v. 1
It’s argued that more and more animal species are on the brink of extinction and gradually disappearing in the world due to the activities of humans. This essay will discuss about discharge waste and emission to the environment of people as an explanation for this phenomenon followed by improving knowledge as one of the most suitable ways of how to solve it. One of the principal reality is that the disappearance of animals should have been held accountable for environmental degradation that discharge products of people’s lives have created. Not only some factories dispose of their chemical waste but residents also throw away these rubbish into land and water environment and these actions lead to global warming and habitat destruction. For instance, some endangered species can not be able to live and adapt the climate changes immediately so they are becoming easy to lack of the health conditions and die after all. To rescue other animals as soon as possible, improving people’s knowledge through programme at school for the youth to elder through environmental campaign and imposing law and tax is necessary enough to limit and decrease this serious phenomenon. Everyone can contribute to achieve sustainable development and the full weight of the government should be taken advantage of more and more. Instead of throwing away lots things after using to the sea and land, which can influence negatively on animal's lives, residents can recycle, reuse as second-hand products. Moreover, national and local authorities should make environmental issues high on the agenda and exert pressure on controlling the discharge processing of factories by increase tax or punish wrongdoers by the policy of zero tolerance if necessary. In conclusion, taking action on protecting animals from being in danger of extinction is considered to be one of the most prioritized responsibilities that not only the government but everyone should also have to do. If try as much as possible, this phenomenon will definitely become better and the endangered species will have been remained and lived in our world for such a long time.
It’s argued that more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
species are on the brink of extinction and
gradually
disappearing in the world due to the activities of humans. This essay will
Did you mean simply "discuss discharge"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about discharge
waste and emission to the environment of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as an explanation for this phenomenon followed by improving knowledge as one of the most suitable ways of how to solve it.

One of the principal reality is that the disappearance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should have
been held
accountable for environmental degradation that discharge products of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
have created. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
factories dispose of their chemical waste
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
residents
also
throw away these rubbish into land and water environment and these actions lead to global warming and habitat destruction.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
endangered species can not be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and adapt the climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
immediately
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are becoming easy to lack of the health conditions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
after all
.

To rescue other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible, improving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s knowledge through
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
at school for the youth to elder through environmental campaign and imposing law and tax is necessary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to limit and decrease this serious phenomenon. Everyone can contribute to achieve sustainable development and the full weight of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
be taken
advantage of more and more.
Instead
of throwing away lots things after using to the sea and land, which can influence
negatively
on animal's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, residents can recycle, reuse as second-hand products.
Moreover
, national and local authorities should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
environmental issues high on the agenda and exert pressure on controlling the discharge processing of factories by increase tax or punish wrongdoers by the policy of zero tolerance if necessary.

In conclusion
, taking action on protecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
from being in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of extinction
is considered
to be one of the most prioritized responsibilities that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
everyone should
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do. If try as much as possible, this phenomenon will definitely become better and the endangered species will have
been remained
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in our world for such a long time.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay 09. 10. 2017You have bought a new laptop computer and in a few days of purchase discovered a major flaw. Write a letter to the company. In your letter, Introduce your self. explain the situation. say what action you would like to company to take. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
341 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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