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You eat at your college cafeteria every lunch time however; you think it needs some improvements. Write a letter to the college magazine. - explain what you like about the cafeteria- say what is wrong- suggest how it could be improved. v.1

You eat at your college cafeteria every lunch time however; you think it needs some improvements. Write a letter to the college magazine. - explain what you like about the cafeteria- say what is wrong- suggest how it could be improved. v. 1
When the prisoners have fulfilled their conviction, the government will let them freed. However, many inhabitants said that although prisoners have been freed, they will still have a chance to commit some criminals. This essay firmly does not agree with this notion and will state the reasons. To begin with, the primary reason why ex-prisoners will not commit any violence is that their heart is full of the feel of regretful. According to some research, missing their family is the most significant pressure for the prisoners. Because some of them probably think that their families will not receive them again. Furthermore, the prisoners will not want to taste the ambiance of prison again because their surroundings are full of criminals. Thus, come back to penitentiary is the worst thing for the criminals. Moreover, a decision from the government cannot be in vain by the criminals. People who have been in the cell for the second time will get a more stringent punishment rather than formerly. Therefore, they will not commit any criminals again and start to think about some jobs that are sufficient for them. For smart prisoners, they will utilize their time in jail to plan what they want to do when they are free. Thus, it is not impossible for a prisoner to become a rich man with a good job. In conclusion, although there are some ex-prisoners still do bratty things, the chance for the criminals to change is more leading because they do not want to humiliate their family and got a lengthy penitential time again.
When the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
have fulfilled their conviction, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them freed.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
inhabitants said that although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
have
been freed
, they will
still
have a chance to commit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
. This essay
firmly
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion and will state the reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the primary reason why ex-prisoners will not commit any violence is that their heart is full of the feel of regretful. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
research, missing their family is the most significant pressure for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them
probably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that their families will not receive them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
again
.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
will not want to taste the ambiance of prison
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
again
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their surroundings are full of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
.
Thus
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back to penitentiary is the worst thing for the criminals.

Moreover
, a decision from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
cannot be in vain by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who have been in the cell for the second time will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a more stringent punishment
rather
than
formerly
.
Therefore
, they will not commit any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
again
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
jobs that are sufficient for them. For smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
, they will utilize their time in jail to plan what they want to do when they are free.
Thus
, it is not impossible for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoner
to become a rich
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job.

In conclusion
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ex-prisoners
still
do bratty things, the chance for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is more leading
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not want to humiliate their family and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a lengthy penitential time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
again
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay You eat at your college cafeteria every lunch time however; you think it needs some improvements. Write a letter to the college magazine. - explain what you like about the cafeteria- say what is wrong- suggest how it could be improved. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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