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01/10/2017 Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent v.2

01/10/2017 Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. 2
Many agree the advancement of big supermarkets drives small companies out of business. The trend is believed may have an adverse influence on local communities. I disagree with the prospect and the reasons on which my stance is based will be discussed in details below. On the one hand, the appearance of big department stores in a neighborhood may be seen as an omen. Firstly, disappearing of small firms that are unable to compete with the giants means there is less money in a local budget; thus, the government cannot finance many social programs that used to help maintain local communities’ well-being. Secondly, places owned by local entrepreneurs often attract public that may interact with one another and learn about gossips, while buying something or being served. If those places are closed, it means fewer interactions between locals and thus the death of the community. Those are several adverse consequences of the trend. On the other hand, the closure of small businesses may not have a disadvantageous effect. Primarily, the advent of big companies may rather revitalize a neighborhood because many well-established businesses often invest heavily in improving local communities. For example, OSHA that is a Russian chain of department stores usually constructs a park with a playground nearby their novel stores to attract families who may combine visiting the store with playing in the park. Furthermore, the existence of a community is usually based on living on the same territory and having similar interests. Thus, those who share the passion to pets, reading books or repairing cars will continue to communicate with each other even if all local businesses suddenly disappear. Consequently, the life of community will last. In other words, the death of local companies doesn’t necessarily lead to the death of community that used to host them. In conclusion, the claim the closure of small firms may destroy local communities appears to be unsound because communities are held by similar interests. Moreover, the advent of big malls may improve the life in the neighborhood.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
the advancement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
supermarkets drives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. The trend
is believed
may have an adverse influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
. I disagree with the prospect and the reasons on which my stance
is based
will
be discussed
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
below.

On the one hand, the appearance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
department
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
in a neighborhood may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as an omen.
Firstly
, disappearing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
firms that are unable to compete with the giants means there is less money in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
budget;
thus
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
cannot finance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
social programs that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
maintain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities’
well-being.
Secondly
, places
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
entrepreneurs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
attract public that may interact with one another and learn about gossips, while buying something or
being served
. If those places
are closed
, it means fewer interactions between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
and
thus
the death of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
. Those are several adverse consequences of the trend.

On the other hand
, the closure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
may not have a disadvantageous effect.
Primarily
, the advent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
may
rather
revitalize a neighborhood
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
well-established
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
invest
heavily
in improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
.
For example
, OSHA
that is
a Russian chain of department
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
usually
constructs a park with a playground nearby their novel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
to attract families who may combine visiting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
with playing in the park.
Furthermore
, the existence of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
is
usually
based on living on the same territory and having similar interests.

Thus
, those who share the passion to pets, reading books or repairing cars will continue to communicate with each other even if all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
suddenly
disappear.
Consequently
, the life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
will last.
In other words
, the death of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
doesn’t
necessarily
lead to the death of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to host them.

In conclusion
, the claim the closure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
firms may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
appears to be unsound
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
are held
by similar interests.
Moreover
, the advent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
malls may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the life in the neighborhood.
19Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay 01/10/2017 Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
337 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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