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Topic: The chart shows the proportions of pupils attending four secondary school types between 2000 and 2009 v.2

Topic: The chart shows the proportions of pupils attending four secondary school types between 2000 and 2009 v. 2
The table illustrates the percentage of pupils participating in different secondary schools in three periods In general, the number of student in Specialist schools showed a almost stability. Beside that, a rising tendency can be vividly seen in Community schools; whereas, the other types of secondary school witnessed a reduction. At first glance, It is obvious that the proportion of pupils attending in Specialist schools slightly increased with a gap of 2% during three years. Beside that, The percentage of student in Grammar schools moderately declined with just 12% in 2009, compared to 24% or a quarter of student in 2000. Turning to remaining schools, although the figure for voluntary-controlled schools accounted for 52% in 2000, it gradually went down in the next two years with 38% and 20% respectively. By contrast, the number of pupils studying in Community schools in the beginning was just 12%, but then it doubled to 32% in the following year and rocket to 58%, making them the first place in the end of period.
The table illustrates the percentage of pupils participating in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
secondary
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schools
in three periods

In general
, the number of student in Specialist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
almost stability. Beside that, a rising tendency can be
vividly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in Community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
; whereas, the other types of secondary
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school
witnessed a reduction.

At
first
glance, It is obvious that the proportion of pupils attending in Specialist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
slightly
increased with a gap of 2% during three years. Beside that, The percentage of student in Grammar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
moderately
declined with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
12% in 2009, compared to 24% or a quarter of student in 2000.

Turning to remaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, although the figure for voluntary-controlled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
accounted for 52% in 2000, it
gradually
went down in the
next
two years with 38% and 20%
respectively
. By contrast, the number of pupils studying in Community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in the beginning was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
12%,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
then it doubled to 32% in the following year and rocket to 58%, making them the
first
place in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of period.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS academic Topic: The chart shows the proportions of pupils attending four secondary school types between 2000 and 2009 v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
170 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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