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The charts summarize the weight measurements of people living in Charleston in 1955 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.1

The charts summarize the weight measurements of people living in Charleston in 1955 and 2015.
The bar chart below illustrates the figures of people who lives in Charleston in 1955 and 2015 by age. Generally, both period experienced considerable modification in each period shown. It is certain that ideal weighed person account for the largest proportion by the age from 20 to 29 in each period of 2015 and 1995. In 2015, the figures for 30-39 aged people, however, was significant for amount, at about 30 percent, leading them the major consequence for all period of the time, compare with obese people just about 10 percent. In 1995, obese people was significantly lower rather than latter period people, between ages 40-49. In additional, there was importantly higher proportion for obese people in 2015 for both ages 50-59 and 60-69 respectively. However, last 2 ages of obese people was just reach 10 percent correspondingly. It have revealed that the numbers of underweight person were relatively poorer for every age in all period.
The bar chart below illustrates the figures of
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people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in Charleston in 1955 and 2015 by
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age
.
Generally
, both
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period
experienced considerable modification in each
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period
shown.

It is certain that ideal weighed person account for the largest proportion by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
from 20 to 29 in each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
of 2015 and 1995. In 2015, the figures for 30-39 aged
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people
,
however
, was significant for amount, at about 30 percent, leading them the major consequence for all
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period
of the time, compare with
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obese
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people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
about 10 percent.

In 1995,
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obese
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people
was
significantly
lower
rather
than latter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
40-49.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
additional, there was
importantly
higher proportion for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in 2015 for both
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ages
50-59 and 60-69
respectively
.
However
, last 2
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ages
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
reach 10 percent
correspondingly
.

It
Did you mean "has"?
have
revealed that the numbers of underweight person were
relatively
poorer for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
in all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS academic The charts summarize the weight measurements of people living in Charleston in 1955 and 2015.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
156 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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