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The table shows the number of overseas students enrolling in language schools in Australia between 1996 and 1998 and the geographical area from where they come. v.2

The table shows the number of overseas students enrolling in language schools in Australia between 1996 and 1998 and the geographical area from where they come. v. 2
The given table illustrates about the number of students admitted to study at various language schools in Australia every year from 1996 to 1998. The students are mentioned to be hailed from 4 different continents. In overall, the table states that Asian students are the maximum in number in getting admitted into the language schools. However, this number faced atrophy gradually till the year 1998. The Asian students' population was at it' s peak in the year 1996 with almost 65, 000 students but eventually got decreased to almost 43, 000 students in the year 1998. European, Central and South American students' population follows the same trends of each other' s. Initially in the year 1996 with the population of 6. 6 thousand, 839 students respectively, the Europe and Central and South American students' populations reach their respective apogees of 8 thousand and 1392 students respectively in the year 1997. However, both populations get decreased to 4. 3 thousand as well as 1345 in the year 1998. The African students admission for the language schools was began in the year 1997 where it' s first batch had 126 students. This number was increased to 499 in the next year 1998. However, as the number of Asian students predominates (almost 85% every year), only the changes in the population of Asian students' population effects the total population significantly.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
table illustrates about the
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number
of
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students
The verb 'admitted' is used with the gerund form: "admitted studying".
admitted to study
at various language schools in Australia every
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year
from 1996 to 1998. The
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students
are mentioned
to
be hailed
from 4
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
continents.

In
overall
, the table states that Asian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are the maximum in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
in getting admitted into the language schools.
However
, this
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number
faced atrophy
gradually
till the
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year
1998. The Asian
Possible spelling mistake found.
students&
#039;
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population
was at
Possible spelling mistake found.
it&
#039; s peak in the
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year
1996 with almost 65, 000
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students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
decreased to almost 43, 000
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students
in the
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year
1998.

European, Central and South American
Possible spelling mistake found.
students&
#039;
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population
follows the same trends of each
Possible spelling mistake found.
other&
#039; s.
Initially
in the
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year
1996 with the
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population
of 6. 6 thousand, 839
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students
respectively
, the Europe and Central and South American
Possible spelling mistake found.
students&
#039;
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populations
reach their respective apogees of 8 thousand and 1392
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
respectively
in the
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year
1997.
However
, both
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populations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
decreased to 4. 3 thousand
as well
as 1345 in the
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year
1998.

The African
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "students'" or "student's"?
students
admission for the language schools was
Consider using a past participle here: "begun".
began
in the
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year
1997 where
Possible spelling mistake found.
it&
#039; s
first
batch had 126
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students
. This
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number
was increased
to 499 in the
next
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year
1998.
However
, as the
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number
of Asian
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students
predominates (almost 85% every
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year)
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of Asian
Possible spelling mistake found.
students&
#039;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
effects the total
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population
significantly
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS academic The table shows the number of overseas students enrolling in language schools in Australia between 1996 and 1998 and the geographical area from where they come. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
227 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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