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The table shows source of student income over a five-year period in the United States. Write a report for a college lecturer describing the information shown below. v.2

The table shows source of student income over a five-year period in the United States. Write a report for a college lecturer describing the information shown below. v. 2
The data shows the main sources of income for students in America from 2010-2015. A clear rising trend can be observed for students’ loans and student earnings over the 5 year period, whereas parental contribution and grant aid have both dropped. Student total income rose overall by over US$2000; from US$9, 153 in 2010/11 to US$11, 563 in 2014/15. Student bank loans in 2010/11 comprised only 6% of total student income and student earnings were only 10% in 2010/11. By 2014/15, student loans had increased dramatically to 29% of total income and student earnings from jobs had similarly experienced a significant rise to 30% over the same period. In contrast, in 2010/11, grants were the main source of student income (52%) and this drastically fell over the 5 year period to a mere 16% in 2015. Parental contribution suffered a less dramatic decline, but saw a reduction from 32% in 2010 to 25% in 2015. In conclusion, the figures indicate that students have taken on more responsibility in paying for their education and the government and parents play less of a financially supportive role.
The data
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the main sources of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in America from 2010-2015. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
rising trend can
be observed
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
loans and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
earnings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the
When a number forms part of an adjectival compound, use a hyphen: "5-year"
5 year
period, whereas parental contribution and grant aid have both dropped.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Student
total
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income
rose
overall
by
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over
US$2000; from US$9, 153 in 2010/11 to US$11, 563 in 2014/15.

Student bank loans in 2010/11 comprised
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
6% of total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
earnings were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
10% in 2010/11. By 2014/15,
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student
loans had increased
dramatically
to 29% of total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
earnings from jobs had
similarly
experienced a significant rise to 30%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the same period.

In contrast
, in 2010/11, grants were the main source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
(52%) and this
drastically
fell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the
When a number forms part of an adjectival compound, use a hyphen: "5-year"
5 year
period to a mere 16% in 2015. Parental contribution suffered a less dramatic decline,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a reduction from 32% in 2010 to 25% in 2015.

In conclusion
, the figures indicate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have taken on more responsibility in paying for their education and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and parents play less of a
financially
supportive role.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS academic The table shows source of student income over a five-year period in the United States. Write a report for a college lecturer describing the information shown below. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
184 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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