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The percentage of 3 types of crimes: car theft, house burglary & street robbery in England & Wales from 1970 to 2015 v.2

The percentage of 3 types of crimes: car theft, house burglary & street robbery in England & Wales from 1970 to 2015 v. 2
The line graph gives information about the percentage of three different types of crime in two countries over the course of 30 years starting from 1970. Looking at the graph, it is immediately obvious that the rate of car theft and house burglary experienced an increase while the percentage of street robbery remained fairly unchanged. In 1970, the proportion of car theft was the highest occupying exactly 0. 4%, slightly taller than that of house burglary, at approximately 0. 3%. Only in 15 years, Car theft rates witnessed a growth like a rocket and it reached a peak at 1. 4 in 1995. Meanwhile, the figures for house burglary gradually went up at just under 0. 4% in the initial 10 years before climbing to at 0. 6% in the sequent ten years. There were significantly fall to 0. 8% and 0. 4% in the data for car theft and house burglary, respectively. The number of street robberies was 0. 1% in 1970, during 30 years the figures for this kind of crime stayed practically no change, fluctuating between around 0. 1% to 0. 18%.
The line graph gives information about the percentage of three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of crime in two countries over the course of 30 years starting from 1970.

Looking at the graph, it is immediately obvious that the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theft
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
burglary
experienced an increase while the percentage of street robbery remained
fairly
unchanged.

In 1970, the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theft
was the highest occupying exactly 0. 4%,
slightly
taller than that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
burglary
, at approximately 0. 3%.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
in 15 years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theft
rates witnessed a growth like a rocket and it reached a peak at 1. 4 in 1995. Meanwhile, the figures for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
burglary
gradually
went up at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 0. 4% in the initial 10 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
climbing to at 0. 6% in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
sequent
ten years. There were
significantly
fall to 0. 8% and 0. 4% in the data for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theft
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
burglary
,
respectively
.

The number of street robberies was 0. 1% in 1970, during 30 years the figures for this kind of crime stayed
practically
no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, fluctuating between around 0. 1% to 0. 18%.
0Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS academic The percentage of 3 types of crimes: car theft, house burglary & street robbery in England & Wales from 1970 to 2015 v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
185 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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