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The pie diagrams show the extent of Australian optional school graduates who were jobless, utilized or seeking after further training, in 1980, 1990 and 2000. v.2

The pie diagrams show the extent of Australian optional school graduates who were jobless, utilized or seeking after further training, in 1980, 1990 and 2000. v. 2
The pie charts illustrate the proportion of Australian secondary school graduates who were unemployed, employed or pursuing further education, in 1980, 1990 and 2000. Overall, the percentage of students in Australia to go to work grew, while there was a decline in both the rate of those continuing higher levels of study and those who were jobless. In 1980, half of the Australian secondary school-leavers chose to continue their learning, the sum of the learners decided to move on work at 40%. However, while the number of students wanted to advance academic levels decreased to 37%, the opposite was true for those who seek a job, this number increased to 55% in 2000, which was the largest figure among all examined categories. On the other hand, regarding the proportion of unemployed in Australia, the number of students after finishing secondary school without a career rose slightly to 12% in 1990 before falling down 8% in the final year of the exam.
The pie charts illustrate the proportion of Australian secondary school graduates who
were unemployed
, employed or pursuing
further
education, in 1980, 1990 and 2000.

Overall
, the percentage of students in Australia to go to work grew, while there was a decline in both the rate of those continuing higher levels of study and those who were jobless.

In 1980, half of the Australian secondary school-leavers chose to continue their learning, the sum of the learners decided to
move
on work at 40%.
However
, while the number of students wanted to advance academic levels decreased to 37%, the opposite was true for those who seek a job, this number increased to 55% in 2000, which was the largest figure among all examined categories.

On the other hand
, regarding the proportion of unemployed in Australia, the number of students after finishing secondary school without a career rose
slightly
to 12% in 1990
before
falling down 8% in the final year of the exam.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS academic The pie diagrams show the extent of Australian optional school graduates who were jobless, utilized or seeking after further training, in 1980, 1990 and 2000. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
161 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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