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The bar charts below show the Marriage and Divorce Statistics for eight countries in 1981 and 1994. v.2

The bar charts below show the Marriage and Divorce Statistics for eight countries in 1981 and 1994. v. 2
The given bar graphs show information on marriage and divorce in eight countries for the years 1981 and 1994. As is observed from the presentation, the marriage rate in all the countries except Denmark decreased over time while divorce rate has increased in five out of eight countries. As is presented in the bar graph, the marriage rate in 1981 in the USA was the highest among the given countries and that was more than 10 per thousand. In other European countries, namely United Kingdom, Finland, France, Italy, Denmark, the marriage rate was around 6 per thousand. Denmark had the lowest rate of marriage in 1981 which was around 5/ thousand. After 15 years the marriage rate decreased in all of the given countries except in Denmark, where the rate increased by almost 2/thousand. The only Asian country Japan had very little changes of their marriage rate. From the divorce statistics, we can see that the highest rate of divorce was in the USA which was more than 4 per thousand. The divorce rate increased in 1994 compared to the rate in 1981 in all the countries except in the USA and Denmark. Italy had the lowest divorce rate among the given countries and there was no change of this rate for the given 2 years in Germany.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar graphs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
information on
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marriage
and
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divorce
in eight
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countries
for the years 1981 and 1994. As
is observed
from the presentation, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
in all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
except Denmark decreased over time while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
divorce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
has increased in five out of eight countries.

As
is presented
in the bar graph, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
in 1981 in the USA was the highest among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and that was more than 10 per thousand. In other European
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countries
,
namely
United Kingdom, Finland, France, Italy, Denmark, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
was around 6 per thousand. Denmark had the lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
in 1981 which was around 5/ thousand. After 15 years the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
decreased in
Consider using "all the".
all of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
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countries
except in Denmark, where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
increased by almost 2/thousand. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Asian
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country
Japan had
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very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
of their
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marriage
rate.

From the
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divorce
statistics, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
divorce
was in the USA which was more than 4 per thousand. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
divorce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
increased in 1994 compared to the
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rate
in 1981 in all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
except in the USA and Denmark. Italy had the lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
divorce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
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countries
and there was no
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change
of this
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rate
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
2 years in Germany.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
To learn a language is to have one more window from which to look at the world.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS academic The bar charts below show the Marriage and Divorce Statistics for eight countries in 1981 and 1994. v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
218 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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