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The pie chart shows the main reasons why agricultural land become less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during 1990. v.1

The pie chart shows the main reasons why agricultural land become less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during 1990. v. 1
The circular representation reveals the information about the global farmland destruction by three main activities: over cultivation, deforestation, and overgrazing. Whereas, the tabular chart demonstrates the total land degraded in three nations, during the period of 1990. Overall, it is crystal clear that, overgrazing is the main culprit of soil depletion, compares to the other three factors, in the case of Europe region. In the first glance, the highest proportion of land damage was caused by overgrazing, was claimed to be more than third, in the year 1990. Apart from this, the another major culprits were deforestation, and over cultivation, which constituted 30% and 28% respectively, of the total lost land. Although, other causes had been accounted for just 7%, of the degraded earth. Probing ahead, according to the table, Europe was adversely affected region with 23% of the total land, destroyed by deforestation at 9. 8%, overgrazing at 5. 5%, and over cultivation at 7. 7%, respectively. In contrast, North America suffered least damage of the total land destruction, was just 5%. Furthermore, not only was over cultivation insignificant in Oceania, but also deforestation had a negligible impact. Despite of this, it was highly affected by overgrazing(11. 3%).
The circular representation reveals the information about the global farmland destruction by three main activities:
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultivation
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deforestation
, and overgrazing. Whereas, the tabular chart demonstrates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
degraded in three nations, during the period of 1990.

Overall
, it is crystal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that, overgrazing is the main culprit of soil depletion, compares to the other three factors, in the case of Europe region.

In the
first
glance, the highest proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
damage
was caused
by overgrazing,
was claimed
to be more than third, in the year 1990. Apart from this, the another major culprits were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deforestation
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultivation
, which constituted 30% and 28%
respectively
, of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
lost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
. Although, other causes had
been accounted
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
7%, of the degraded earth.

Probing ahead, according to the table, Europe was
adversely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
region with 23% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deforestation
at 9. 8%, overgrazing at 5. 5%, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultivation
at 7. 7%,
respectively
.
In contrast
, North America suffered
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
The usual collocation for word "damage" is "to" not "of." Revise: "damage to".
damage of
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
destruction, was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
5%.
Furthermore
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultivation
insignificant in Oceania,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deforestation
had a negligible impact.
Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
this, it was
highly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by overgrazing(11. 3%).
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS academic The pie chart shows the main reasons why agricultural land become less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during 1990. v. 1

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
199 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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