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The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s. v.2

The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s. v. 2
The pie chart indicates the factors that negatively affect the productivity of agricultural lands worldwide while the table data illustrates the percentage of land degradation in three main regions due to those factors mentioned. From the pie chart, it can be seen that the major factor that causes the worldwide land degradation is over-grazing. 35% of agricultural lands worldwide become less productive due to a single factor - over-grazing. Deforestation is accounted for 30% degradation of cultivable land while over-cultivation results 28% land degradation. All other minor reasons are categorised as ‘other’ and constituted 7% loss of land fertility. The given table data shows the percentages of agricultural land degradation in three regions during the 1990s, namely - North America, Europe, and Oceania. Oceania comprised many islands in the South Pacific area including New Zealand and Australia. The analysis shows that highest percentage of land degradation, 23%, occurred in Europe in the 1990s. This is followed by Oceania and North America where these percentages were 13% and 5% respectively. The most striking feature was that over-cultivation had zero impact in Oceania as it was mostly affected by over-grazing.
The pie chart indicates the
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factors
that
negatively
affect the productivity of agricultural
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lands
worldwide while the table data illustrates the
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percentage
of
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land
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degradation
in three main regions due to those
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factors
mentioned.

From the pie chart, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the major
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factor
that causes the worldwide
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land
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degradation
is over-grazing. 35% of agricultural
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lands
worldwide become less productive due to a single
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factor
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
over-grazing. Deforestation
is accounted
for 30%
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degradation
of cultivable
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land
while over-cultivation results 28%
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land
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degradation
. All other minor reasons are
Possible spelling mistake. 'categorised' is British English.
categorised
as ‘other’ and constituted 7% loss of
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land
fertility.

The
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given
table data
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the
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percentages
of agricultural
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land
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degradation
in three regions during the 1990s,
namely
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
North America, Europe, and Oceania. Oceania comprised
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
islands in the South Pacific area including New Zealand and Australia. The analysis
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degradation
, 23%, occurred in Europe in the 1990s. This
is followed
by Oceania and North America where these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentages
were 13% and 5%
respectively
. The most striking feature was that over-cultivation had zero impact in Oceania as it was
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by over-grazing.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
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IELTS academic The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s. v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
188 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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