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The pie chart gives information on UAE government spending in 2000. The total budget was AED 315 billion. v.2

The pie chart gives information on UAE government spending in 2000. The total budget was AED 315 billion. v. 2
The pie chart delineates how the UAE administration spent the national budget in 2000. It is obvious that social security and health and personal social services received the largest proportion of incentives from the 315 billion Dirham' national budget in this year in the United Arab Emirates. As is presented in the diagram, the UAE administration’s budget in 2000 was 315 billion Arab Emirates Dirham and 100 billion of it went on maintaining citizens’ social security. Just over 53 billion was allocated for the health and social services which was the second largest allocation by the USA government. Budget allocation for education, defence and debt interests were 38, 22 and 23 billion Dirhams respectively. Housing heritage and environment sector was allotted 15 billion Dirham which was 6 billion higher than the allocation for transportation. The UAE government shared only 9 billion Dirham, the least, for its transportation sector in 2000 while other expenditure accounted for 23 billion.
The pie chart delineates how the UAE administration spent the national
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budget
in 2000. It is obvious that
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social
security and health and personal
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social
services received the largest proportion of incentives from the 315
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billion
Possible agreement error. The noun 'Dirham' seems to be countable, so consider using: "dirhams".
Dirham
' national
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budget
in this year in the United Arab Emirates.

As
is presented
in the diagram, the UAE administration’s
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budget
in 2000 was 315
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billion
Arab Emirates
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dirham
and 100
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billion
of it went on maintaining citizens’
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social
security.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
over 53
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billion
was allocated
for the health and
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social
services which was the second largest allocation by the USA
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
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Budget
allocation for education,
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
and debt interests were 38, 22 and 23
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billion
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dirhams
respectively
. Housing heritage and environment sector
was allotted
15
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billion
Possible agreement error. The noun 'Dirham' seems to be countable, so consider using: "dirhams".
Dirham
which was 6
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billion
higher than the allocation for transportation. The UAE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
shared
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
9
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billion
Possible agreement error. The noun 'Dirham' seems to be countable, so consider using: "dirhams".
Dirham
, the least, for its transportation sector in 2000 while other expenditure accounted for 23
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billion
.
0Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
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IELTS academic The pie chart gives information on UAE government spending in 2000. The total budget was AED 315 billion. v. 2

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
157 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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