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The bar chart shows the number of visitors to three London Museums between 2007 and 2012. v.3

The bar chart shows the number of visitors to three London Museums between 2007 and 2012. v. 3
The illustration depicts the number of visitors in three London museums namely - National Gallery, Victoria and Albert Museum and British Museum, over half of a decade, between 2007 and 2012. It is apparent that a higher number of people visited the Victoria and Albert Museum in 2007 but in 2012 the National Museum became the most attended Museum. As is presented, 12. 5, 14 and 6 million visitors enjoyed the British, Victoria and Albert and National Gallery museums consequently in 2007. The spectators' number in the Victoria and Albert Museum remained almost the same next year but the fans of British Museum plunged remarkably. On the contrary, the number of people who preferred to visit the National Museum kept on growing steadily. This growth for the National Gallery continued each year and it became the most attended museum in 2012 with around 17 million visitants. The spectator’s numbers for the Victoria and Albert Museum oscillated during these years and after a huge fall in 2010, the number of its visitors swelled up monotonously and reached to 10 million in the final year. The trend of the visitors in the British Museum was somewhat similar to the Victoria and Albert museum’s visitors which ended being the second most popular museum in 2012 with around 14 million guests.
The illustration depicts the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
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visitors
in three London
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museums
namely
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
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National
Gallery, Victoria and Albert
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Museum
and British
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Museum
, over half of a decade, between 2007 and 2012. It is apparent that a higher
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number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
visited the Victoria and Albert
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Museum
in 2007
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in 2012 the
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National
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Museum
became the most attended Museum.

As
is presented
, 12. 5, 14 and 6
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million
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visitors
enjoyed the British, Victoria and Albert and
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National
Gallery
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museums
consequently
in 2007. The spectators'
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number
in the Victoria and Albert
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Museum
remained almost the same
next
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year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the fans of British
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Museum
plunged
remarkably
.
On the contrary
, the
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number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who preferred to visit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
National
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
on growing
steadily
. This growth for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
National
Gallery continued each
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year
and it became the most attended
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museum
in 2012 with around 17
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
visitants.

The spectator’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
for the Victoria and Albert
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
oscillated during these years and after a huge fall in 2010, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
swelled up
monotonously
and reached to 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in the final
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. The trend of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
in the British
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
was somewhat similar to the Victoria and Albert
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museum’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
which ended being the second most popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
in 2012 with around 14
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
guests.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS academic The bar chart shows the number of visitors to three London Museums between 2007 and 2012. v. 3

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
217 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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