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The bar chart shows the number of visitors to three London Museums between 2007 and 2012. v.1

The bar chart shows the number of visitors to three London Museums between 2007 and 2012. v. 1
The bar graph compares visitors to three museums in London from 2007 to 2012. Generally speaking, National Gallery and the British museums attracted the largest spectators in 2012 though Victoria and Albert Museum was more popular in early years. As the data suggests, National Gallery received the least visitors (roughly 6 million) in 2007 and its visitors gradually progressed to make it the most visited museum in London in 2012. Approximately 16 million people went to enjoy National Gallery in 2012. Victoria and Albert Museum had the largest fans in 2007 as it was toured by almost 13 million people. It was the most popular museum among the three both in 2007 and 2008 but sharply lost the battle of visitors’ number. From 2010 to 2012, this museum had been attended by the least number of spectators. Finally, the British Museum was the second most famous museum in 2007 with its nearly 12 million fans but its visitors' number declined in subsequent three years.   In 2011, it was the most attended museum in London in regards to the visitor's number but it became the second most toured museum next year with roughly 14 million visitants.
The bar graph compares
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visitors
to three
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museums
in London from 2007 to 2012.
Generally
speaking, National Gallery and the British
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museums
attracted the largest spectators in 2012 though Victoria and Albert
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Museum
was more popular in early years.

As the data suggests, National Gallery received the least
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visitors
(roughly 6
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million)
in 2007 and its
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visitors
gradually
progressed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it the most visited
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museum
in London in 2012. Approximately 16
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million
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
went to enjoy National Gallery in 2012.

Victoria and Albert
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Museum
had the largest fans in 2007 as it
was toured
by almost 13
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million
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. It was the most popular
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museum
among the three both in 2007 and 2008
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but
sharply
lost the battle of
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visitors’
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number
. From 2010 to 2012, this
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museum
had
been attended
by the least
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number
of spectators.

Finally
, the British
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Museum
was the second most
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famous
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museum
in 2007 with its
nearly
12
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million
fans
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
its visitors'
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number
declined in subsequent three years.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
In 2011, it was the most attended
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museum
in London
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
in regards to
the visitor's
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number
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it became the second most toured
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museum
next
year with roughly 14
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million
visitants.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS academic The bar chart shows the number of visitors to three London Museums between 2007 and 2012. v. 1

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
196 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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