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The Pie chart gives information about the country of birth of people living in Australia and the table shows where people born in these countries live v.1

The Pie chart gives information about the country of birth of people living in Australia and the table shows where people born in these countries live v. 1
The pie chart illustrates the country of birth of people living in Australia and there is a table that shows the distribution of nationalities in different areas. Overall, most of the population in Australia is indigenous, but they are mainly live in rural areas. Predominantly cities are filled with individuals from China. Almost 99% of Chinese people live in urban areas whereas only 1% live in rural areas, but there are Chinese persons who are only 2% of the total population of Australia. UK population is the second population in Australia but 10 times less than indigenous individuals and makes only 7% of the total population. Likewise Chinese, they are also mostly expanded in cities and only 11% live in the countryside. The same number has people from the Netherland with distribution of 90% living in cities and 10% living in rural areas and they are only 1% of the total population in Australia. People from New Zealand are in third place after the UK who have 3% of the total population, and they are the same as other countries mostly live in urban areas.
The pie chart illustrates the country of birth of
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people
living in Australia and there is a table that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the distribution of nationalities in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
areas.

Overall
, most of the
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population
in Australia is indigenous,
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but
they are
mainly
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live
in rural
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areas
.
Predominantly
cities
are filled
with individuals from China.

Almost 99% of Chinese
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people
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live
in urban
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areas
whereas
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only
1%
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live
in rural
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areas
,
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but
there are Chinese persons who are
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only
2% of the
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total
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population
of Australia. UK
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population
is the second
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population
in Australia
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
10 times less than indigenous individuals and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
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only
7% of the
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total
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population
.
Likewise
Chinese, they are
also
mostly
expanded in cities and
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only
11%
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live
in the countryside. The same number has
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people
from the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Netherland
with distribution of 90% living in cities and 10% living in rural
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
areas and
they are
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only
1% of the
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total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in Australia.
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People
from New Zealand are in third place after the UK who have 3% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
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population
, and they are the same as other countries
mostly
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live
in urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS academic The Pie chart gives information about the country of birth of people living in Australia and the table shows where people born in these countries live v. 1

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
185 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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