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The chart below give information about the high- speed continuous internet connection of households in five countries in 2001 and 2002. v.2

The chart below give information about the high- speed continuous internet connection of households in five countries in 2001 and 2002. v. 2
The table and bar charts provide a great information about how households in 5 countries had connected with the high-speed continuous Internet in a couple of years. Overall, it is obvious that Britain country saw the most significant change in the number of families who accessed the high-speed Internet. In addition, the percentage of Korean and American households who made use of this kind of Internet grown considerable, compared to other countries. Looking in the chart for more details, in 2001, the figure of families accessed the high-speed Internet in America was lower than in Korea, being 9. 3% and 12. 2% in turn. However, next year, whereas the number of American households with high-speed connection soared 170% and accounted 25. 11% of the population, this proportion in South Korea was 20% and covered 13. 44% citizens having access to the high-speed Internet. In terms of the rest of countries, the Internet running with high-speed was believed to be unfavorable, just roughly 0. 35% in 2001. Despite of those rapidly growth in 2002, just under 11% of residents in each country took this way of using the Internet into consideration. In particular, the ratio change in Germany and Switzerland was 80% and 120% respectively. Meanwhile, the greatest proportion of households connecting the high-speed Internet belonged to Britain country.
The table and bar charts provide
'information' is a mass noun (i.e., uncountable). Therefore, the preceding 'a' is probably wrong.
a great information
about how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
households
in 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
had connected with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high-speed
continuous Internet in a couple of years.

Overall
, it is obvious that Britain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
the most significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the number of families who accessed the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high-speed
Internet.
In addition
, the percentage of Korean and American
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
households
who made
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of this kind of Internet grown considerable, compared to other countries.

Looking in the chart for more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, in 2001, the figure of families accessed the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high-speed
Internet in America was lower than in Korea, being 9. 3% and 12. 2% in turn.
However
,
next
year, whereas the number of American
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
households
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high-speed
connection soared 170% and accounted 25. 11% of the population, this proportion in South Korea was 20% and covered 13. 44% citizens having access to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high-speed
Internet.

In terms of the rest of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, the Internet running with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high-speed
was believed
to be unfavorable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
roughly 0. 35% in 2001.
Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
those
rapidly
growth in 2002,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 11% of residents in each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
took this way of using the Internet into consideration.
In particular
, the ratio
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in Germany and Switzerland was 80% and 120%
respectively
. Meanwhile, the greatest proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
households
connecting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high-speed
Internet belonged to Britain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS academic The chart below give information about the high- speed continuous internet connection of households in five countries in 2001 and 2002. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
218 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
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