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The maps show changes that took place in Youngsville in New Zealand over a 25 year period from 1980 to 2005 v.2

The maps show changes that took place in Youngsville in New Zealand over a 25 year period from 1980 to 2005 v. 2
The maps describe the changes taking place in Youngsville in New Zealand from 1980 to 2005. It is possible to see from the maps that the town witnessed a complete transformations. Looking at the maps in more detail, we can see that the town was under-developed in 1980, but during the next 25 years, it saw a number of dramatic changes. There were a significant change at northern river called Alanah. A green area where surrounded a lake in the north-west was cleared to make space for a stadium and two car parking facilities. Also, a golf court was erected in the north-west corner of this town. At southern River Alanah, another noticeable change is many tress in the center of this area was chopped down, and replaced by many factories and warehouses. Moreover, a housing area next to railway line was converted into skyscrapers. Further developments were a construction of Marina at the mouth of the river together with the extension of the railway line along the coastline to the north of this region
The maps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
the
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changes
taking place in
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Youngsville
in New Zealand from 1980 to 2005. It is possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
from the maps that the town witnessed a complete
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "transformation"?
transformations
.

Looking at the maps in more detail, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the town was under-developed in 1980,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
during the
next
25 years, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a number of dramatic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
. There were a significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
at northern river called
Possible spelling mistake found.
Alanah
. A green area where surrounded a lake in the north-west
was cleared
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
space for a stadium and two car parking facilities.
Also
, a golf court
was erected
in the north-west corner of this town.

At southern River
Possible spelling mistake found.
Alanah
, another noticeable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
is
Possible agreement error. The noun tress seems to be countable; consider using: "many tresses".
many tress
in the center of this area
was chopped
down, and replaced by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factories and warehouses.
Moreover
, a housing area
next
to railway line
was converted
into skyscrapers.
Further
developments were a construction of Marina at the mouth of the river together with the extension of the railway line along the coastline to the north of this
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
region
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS academic The maps show changes that took place in Youngsville in New Zealand over a 25 year period from 1980 to 2005 v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
174 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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