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The map below is of the town of Gralsdon. A new supermarket is planned for the town. The map shows two possible sites for the supermarket. v.2

The map below is of the town of Gralsdon. A new supermarket is planned for the town. The map shows two possible sites for the supermarket. v. 2
The map represents the map of town called Garlsdon and there are possible two sites for the new supermarket in Garlsdon. Overall, Gralsdon has the total population of 65000. For +the convenience reasons, the first site would be better places to build a new supermarket. The first site suggested, is located outside of the centre of Garlsdon, basically in the countryside. However, it is located closer to Hindon town (of 12km away) which has population of 10, 000. Also railway and main road are located nearby, which will provide the convenience use of transportation systems to draw further population from Cransdon (with 29000 populations) which is 25 km away from Garlsdon and Bransdon (with 15000 populations) which is 16km away from Garlsdon. In contrast, the possible sites for the second option are located in the centre of Garlsdon, surrounding by housing and industry complexes. However, it only has railway line as the main transportation.
The map represents the map of town called
Possible spelling mistake found.
Garlsdon
and there are possible two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
for the new supermarket in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Garlsdon
.

Overall
,
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Gralsdon
has the total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of 65000. For +the convenience reasons, the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site
would be better places to build a new supermarket.

The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site
suggested, is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
located
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Garlsdon
,
basically
in the countryside.
However
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
located
closer to
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hindon
town (of
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "12 km"
12km
away) which has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of 10, 000.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
railway and main road are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
located
nearby, which will provide the convenience
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of transportation systems to draw
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
from
Possible spelling mistake found.
Cransdon
(with 29000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
populations)
which is 25 km away from
Possible spelling mistake found.
Garlsdon
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bransdon
(with 15000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
populations)
which is
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "16 km"
16km
away from
Possible spelling mistake found.
Garlsdon
.

In contrast
, the possible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
for the second option are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
located
in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Garlsdon
, surrounding by housing and industry complexes.
However
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
has railway line as the main transportation.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Mistakes
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IELTS academic The map below is of the town of Gralsdon. A new supermarket is planned for the town. The map shows two possible sites for the supermarket. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
154 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
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