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The line graphs below show the production and demand for steel in million tonnes and the number of workers employed in the steel industry in the UK in 2010. v.3

The line graphs below show the production and demand for steel in million tonnes and the number of workers employed in the steel industry in the UK in 2010. v. 3
The first line graph presents a comparative analysis of the market requirement for steel and production of this material in 2010 in the UK. The second graph shows the total number of workers employed in this industry in the same year. Overall, the steel production in the UK in 2010 sur-plused the demand, except at the end of the year. The production of steel throughout the time exceeded the demand. In the first quarter of the year, the actual market call for steel started at 2000 million tonnes in January, but production was two times with a continuous rise. Later somewhere in April, the demand started reducing, but production was soaring and reached 5000 million tonnes. Moreover, demand showed further fluctuations approximately till November and fell to almost zero whereas production of the steel attained plateau for some time with further variations and started falling later. After that, in December the demand was nearly double than the production. From the second graph, it is evident that the total number of workers in the steel industry in the UK was 5000, 000 in January and it rose for a month or so. But it then showed a sudden plunge and reached 3000, 000 by April, with further fluctuations in number till August. However, the number of workers continued to fall and reached 1000, 000 by the end of the year.
The
first
line graph presents a comparative analysis of the market requirement for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steel
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
of this material in 2010 in the UK. The second graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of workers employed in this industry in the same year.
Overall
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
in the UK in 2010
Possible spelling mistake found.
sur-plused
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
, except at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the year.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steel
throughout the time exceeded the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
. In the
first
quarter of the year, the actual market call for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at 2000 million tonnes in January,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
was two times with a continuous rise. Later somewhere in April, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
reducing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
was soaring and reached 5000 million tonnes.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
further
fluctuations approximately till November and fell to almost zero whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steel
attained plateau for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time with
further
variations and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
falling later. After that, in December the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
was
nearly
Use "doubler" to make a comparison with this adjective.
double
than the production.

From the second graph, it is evident that the total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of workers in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steel
industry in the UK was 5000, 000 in January and it rose for a month or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a sudden plunge and reached 3000, 000 by April, with
further
fluctuations in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
till August.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of workers continued to fall and reached 1000, 000 by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the year.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS academic The line graphs below show the production and demand for steel in million tonnes and the number of workers employed in the steel industry in the UK in 2010. v. 3

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
229 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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