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The line graphs below show the production and demand for steel in million tonnes and the number of workers employed in the steel industry in the UK in 2010. v.2

The line graphs below show the production and demand for steel in million tonnes and the number of workers employed in the steel industry in the UK in 2010. v. 2
The line graph outlines the production and demand for steel in million tonnes in the UK in 2010 and the number of workers employed in this sector. Generally speaking, the production of steel in the UK was higher than the demand and the number of workers in this sector directly affected the production capability. At the beginning of 2010, the demand for steel was 4000 million tonnes which was double than the actual demand. The steel production and demand in April remained almost the same in April. In August, at the end of the third quarter, the demand unchanged but the production dropped to just over 3000 million tonnes. The demand dramatically fell in November and at the end of the year, the demand went higher than the production. During this time the demand for steel was 2000 million tonnes against less than 1000 million tonnes production. The production of steel is correlated with the employed workers in this sector. In January 2010, the steel industry in the UK employed 5 million workers and it went as high as roughly 5. 8 million in February. From March to July, the workers’ number stood at an average 2 million and kept on declining from September till December. At the end of the year, the UK steel sector employed 1 million people.
The line graph outlines the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steel
in
Use "a million" or use a number before 'million'.
million
tonnes in the UK in 2010 and the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employed
in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
.
Generally
speaking, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steel
in the UK was higher than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
and the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
directly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
capability.

At the beginning of 2010, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steel
was 4000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
tonnes which was
Use "doubler" to make a comparison with this adjective.
double
than the actual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
in April remained almost the same in April. In August, at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the third quarter, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
unchanged
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
dropped to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 3000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
tonnes. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
dramatically
fell in November and at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the year, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
went higher than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
. During this time the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steel
was 2000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
tonnes against less than 1000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
tonnes production.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steel
is correlated
with the
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employed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
in this
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sector
. In January 2010, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steel
industry in the UK
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employed
5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
and it went as high as roughly 5. 8
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in February. From March to July, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers’
number stood at an average 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
on declining from September till December. At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the year, the UK
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employed
1
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
46Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS academic The line graphs below show the production and demand for steel in million tonnes and the number of workers employed in the steel industry in the UK in 2010. v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
220 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
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