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The graphs below show the types of music albums purchased by people in Britain according to sex and age. v.2

The graphs below show the types of music albums purchased by people in Britain according to sex and age. v. 2
The three provided graphs represent data on the type of music albums purchased by the different age groups in Britain. As is observed, Rock is most popular music type among the three music categories and people purchasing classical music album are mostly over 45 years and male listeners purchased more album than that of females. In all cases, men purchase more music albums than women did. Rock and pop music are more popular among young British while classical among the people over 45 years. The market of rock music albums is mainly dominated by men with a purchase record of over 30% compared to 16% purchase done by women. From the first graph, it is obvious that interest in pop music seems steady among the population who aged from 16 to 44 and after people turn to 45 years, they continue to buy pop type music albums, the ratio decreases nevertheless. Among the Britons of 16 to 34 years old, the rock music is most revered. Opposite to the classic music graph, the interest in rock music keeps falling after people reach their mid-thirties and a sharp fall after the age 45 is visible.
The three provided graphs represent data on the type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
albums
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
by the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
age groups in Britain. As
is observed
,
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Rock
is
Did you mean "the most"?
most
popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
type among the three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
categories and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
purchasing classical
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music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
album
are
mostly
over 45 years and male listeners
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
album
than that of females.

In all cases,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
albums
than women did.
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Rock
and pop
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music
are more popular among young British while classical among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
over 45 years. The market of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rock
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
albums
is
mainly
dominated by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
record of over 30% compared to 16%
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
done by women. From the
first
graph, it is obvious that interest in pop
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music
seems steady among the population who aged from 16 to 44 and after
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people
turn to 45 years, they continue to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
pop type
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
albums
, the ratio decreases
nevertheless
.

Among the Britons of 16 to 34 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rock
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is most revered. Opposite to the classic
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music
graph, the interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rock
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
falling after
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people
reach their mid-thirties and a sharp fall after the age 45 is visible.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS academic The graphs below show the types of music albums purchased by people in Britain according to sex and age. v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
194 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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