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The diagram below shows the typical stages of consumer goods manufacturing, including the process by which information is fed back to earlier stages to enable adjustment. v.2

The diagram below shows the typical stages of consumer goods manufacturing, including the process by which information is fed back to earlier stages to enable adjustment. v. 2
The given diagram shows the stages of manufacturing and process adjustment of the consumer goods.   As is observed from the flowchart, the goods manufacturing is a complex process which is done in several stages and information is sometimes fed back to earlier stages to make some adjustments. Firstly, raw materials and other components are stored together and production planning is done. Two major process involves in the overall manufacturing process: one is manufacturing process itself and another one is the information feedback process with which the adjustment of the manufacturing is done. After the product research, the design part is done and this input is used in product planning stage. After the production planning is complete the assembly, inspection, testing and packaging stages are done sequentially. Feedback from testing phase is used in the design stage and which led back to product planning stage. Again, the market research affects the design and advertising stages and inputs from the market research stage are used in the packaging stage. The final two stages are dispatch and sales. The information flow stage gives feedback to other stages to refine and adjust the process. In summary, the consumer goods manufacturing process involves both the multi-staged manufacturing and research methods. The manufacturing stages involve the storage, assembly, inspection, packing to the sales methods whereas the research stages include market & product research, design and advertisement.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
diagram
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the
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stages
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacturing
and
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process
adjustment of the consumer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
As
is observed
from the flowchart, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacturing
is a complex
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
which
is done
in several
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stages
and information is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
fed back to earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stages
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adjustments.

Firstly
, raw materials and other components
are stored
together and production
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planning
is done
. Two major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
involves in the
overall
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manufacturing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
: one is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacturing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
itself and another one is the information feedback
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process
with which the adjustment of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacturing
is done
. After the
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product
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
, the
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design
part
is done
and this input is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planning
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stage
. After the production
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planning
is complete the assembly, inspection, testing and packaging
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stages
are done
sequentially
. Feedback from testing phase is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
design
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stage
and which led back to
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product
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planning
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stage
. Again, the market
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research
affects the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
design
and advertising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stages
and inputs from the market
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
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stage
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the packaging
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stage
. The final two
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stages
are dispatch and sales. The information flow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stage
gives feedback to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stages
to refine and adjust the process.

In summary, the consumer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacturing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
involves both the multi-staged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacturing
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
methods. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacturing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stages
involve the storage, assembly, inspection, packing to the sales methods whereas the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stages
include market &
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
design
and advertisement.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
48Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS academic The diagram below shows the typical stages of consumer goods manufacturing, including the process by which information is fed back to earlier stages to enable adjustment. v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
231 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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