Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The graphs below show the number of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the republic of Freedonia. v.2

The graphs below show the number of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the republic of Freedonia. v. 2
The provided line graph give information on a discrepancy between the number of male and female laborers in different sectors in Freedonia in two years: 1975 and 1995. As can be seen, initially, in 1975 men dominated in all given employment sectors; the discrepancy ranged from 20 people in communication sector to nearly 400 people in manufacturing. Then, 20 years later women outnumbered their counterparts in communication and trading; nevertheless, male employees remained dominant in most sectors. Interestingly, in such spheres as manufacturing and non-defence public sector the gap had been unaltered (the discrepancy was nearly 400 people and 200 people respectively). In contrast in other sectors the gap was reduced significantly. Overall, the gap between the number of male and female employees remained unchanged in some sectors in Freedonia for 20 years; however, the discrepancy in gender in most sectors was decreased minimising the gap; even women became dominant in the some sectors.
The provided line graph give information on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discrepancy
between the number of male and female laborers in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Freedonia
in two years: 1975 and 1995.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
,
initially
, in 1975
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
dominated in all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
; the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discrepancy
ranged from 20
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
to
nearly
400
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in manufacturing. Then, 20 years later women outnumbered their counterparts in communication and trading;
nevertheless
, male employees remained dominant in most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
.
Interestingly
, in such spheres as manufacturing and
Possible spelling mistake found.
non-defence
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
had
been unaltered
(the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discrepancy
was
nearly
400
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and 200
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
respectively
). In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
contrast
in other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
significantly
.

Overall
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
between the number of male and female employees remained unchanged in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Freedonia
for 20 years;
however
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discrepancy
in gender in most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
was decreased
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimising' is British English.
minimising
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
; even women became dominant in the
Did you mean "same"?
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS academic The graphs below show the number of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the republic of Freedonia. v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
154 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts





Get more results for topic:
  • The graphs below show the number of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the republic of Freedonia. v.2