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The graphs below show the Expenditure on Health & Education, UAE as percentages of GDP and Infant mortality and life expectancy. v.3

The graphs below show the Expenditure on Health & Education, UAE as percentages of GDP and Infant mortality and life expectancy. v. 3
The bar graph compares the UAE government’s expenditures on health and education sectors in three different years with a 5 years gap while the line graph shows the infant mortality rate and citizens' life expectancy from 1970 to 1992. As is evident, the UAE government spent more on healthcare and education in 1990 than they did in the past while citizens’ life expectancy enhanced along with declining the infant mortality rate. As is given in the diagrams, the UAE government spent less than 8% of their GDP on healthcare in 1985 and just 10% on education. After 5 years, the spending on healthcare decreased slightly but increased dramatically in the education sector. In the final year, both sectors got priority and the spending on health sector increased to 10% while it was about 15% of the GDP in education. The line graph represents that the percentage of spending in the UAE had a direct impact on their citizens’ life expectancy and infant's mortality rate. While the life expectancy in the UAE was just 60 years in 1970, it increased to over 70 in 1992. On the other hand, the infant mortality rate decreased to just 20% in 1992 from the astonishing 70% in 1970.
The bar graph compares the UAE
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government
’s expenditures on health and
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education
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sectors
in three
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different
years with a 5 years gap while the line graph
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shows
the infant
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mortality
rate and citizens'
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life
expectancy from 1970 to 1992. As is evident, the UAE
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government
spent more on healthcare and
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education
in 1990 than they did in the past while citizens’
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life
expectancy enhanced along with declining the infant
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mortality
rate.

As is
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given
in the diagrams, the UAE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
spent less than 8% of their GDP on healthcare in 1985 and
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just
10% on
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education
. After 5 years, the spending on healthcare decreased
slightly
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but
increased
dramatically
in the
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education
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sector
. In the final
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year
, both
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sectors
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got
priority and the spending on health
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sector
increased to 10% while it was about 15% of the GDP in education.

The line graph represents that the percentage of spending in the UAE had a direct impact on their citizens’
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life
expectancy and infant's
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mortality
rate. While the
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life
expectancy in the UAE was
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just
60 years in 1970, it increased to over 70 in 1992.
On the other hand
, the infant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mortality
rate decreased to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
20% in 1992 from the astonishing 70% in 1970.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS academic The graphs below show the Expenditure on Health & Education, UAE as percentages of GDP and Infant mortality and life expectancy. v. 3

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
204 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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